Things for Me to Remember

The Liberty Price

2009-12-17T20:02:00.002+08:00

I guess all I needed was 3 weeks in Australia.

No matter how long or how many times I've been there i'm never bored or unsettled. That is what I call home.

Cycling, crabbing, trekking is all I need. When compared to my Sentosa trip last week, all these simple stuff are just that, plain and simple and wonderful. The Sentosa experience was my first in about 5 or 6 years and everything felt artificial and horrible. To think that such a beautiful island would be ruined by human intervention. And after all these years, the acronym still holds true, So Expensive and Nothing To See Also.

Of course, running my guts out in sports and getting into scraps are the only positives from Pulau Blakang Mati. The flu that followed the entire experience wasn't so positive.

Well, I have no idea why I started on this now and all I can say is 25 weeks to ORD!

August Tenth Anno Dominum Two Thousand and Nine

2009-08-10T19:41:00.002+08:00

One month has elapsed. And yet, the only things that have progressed are in the Army, for good or for bad.

NDP's over, and it's officially 10 months to ORD. I still play my instrument passably though I guess my inadequatecy compared to others in that area arouses a certain scorn. It doesn't make me strive any harder.

While band portrays itself as a great place, it still is the SAF where hard work never pays. Instead I find myself half floating, drifting through this meandering course, filling the holes, patching the sails, with the knowledge that I will stop these meaningless work one day.

NDP. The boys shouted, girls screamed, flags flown with fervour, a nation believed and rallied. I am no patriot and while marching through the streets does give me a sense of warmth rushing up my guts, I was filled with apathy and disgust to a certain extent.

Apathy because, ever since they cut down the trees, demolished my schools, repainted my block and destroyed the libraries I cherished, they uprooted me. Forget about trying to sink people's roots through education. I believe they're pretty successful in that. It's the values and things of attachment.

Disgust, because of how it was organised. The aim was clear. The process distasteful. They had a plan which was practised for 8 weeks before being scrapped and had the one and only practice on NDP preview day. In the process, we played a half baked stripped down repertoire and needless to say, nobody in band who marched would say it was spectacular. It was interesting but nothing extremely special. The blame when it failed prior was squarely put on the band too. With employers like this, why do people sign on?

Despite NDP being over, I can't rest yet. There's ACPC coming up, BMT, ASLC. I guess they'll only let me rest after march next year. Can I will I wait for that 7 months? I hope I can.

I know most of you that read this would wonder whether I was in such a predicament. Maybe not a position which cannot be sat out. But yes, it's stressful because I don't have the friends close enough. I've been reassessing and there's only andrew and erica yap who I would consider relatively close in singapore. I can go play squash soon enough or just talk over life. It isn't the same with most others, too concerned with my lack of handphone, accessories, clothes, outfit, looks, university and abilities. But still Im grateful, if it's 2 im left with, that's 2 more than zero.

I guess I shouldn't be thinking about the same things all the time. November is my month to run away. Then I definitely will drop everything and hug my dear friends.

Now pass the bottle round boys
Don't just let it stand there
For tonight we drink the health of every overlander

Sail across the ocean sail across the seas

2009-06-18T19:36:00.002+08:00

One more year to go. Yes O-N-E one.

as well as one more SAF day parade and one more NDP. One more UCAS application and one more ANU Alumni Scholarship Application. It's a year of ones.

Every year, they plan this torturous event called SAF day. It's main purpose is to torture NS men and NSFs alike for the planned 1h 31 minutes at SAFTI MI in front of foreign dignitaries to show how "man" and "strong" we are. It doesn't really matter because we get casualties every year and there's this bunch of totally undisciplined people called band. And I like to keep that band part that way.

NDP screws up my saturdays and combines with SAF day to ensure you either get sick or sicker. KFC doesn't exactly serve 2+2 every meal and SAFTI water is very horrible. It causes sorethroats.

The 1990 batch just came into my band and these few days have been getting to know them sessions. Why be so discriminatory? That's not to say they're not nice but there's this part of the wall which needs to be broken. What I wonder is, am I, a 1990 baby, just like them? Or am I already different?

And somehow, I don't feel like writing again. So I shall stop and hopefully another day brings inspiration.

et tu, brutus? You said I killed you, Haunt me then.

Fun or (f)eral?

2009-05-01T10:43:00.002+08:00

It's that time of the season again, so they say, of funerals. Apparently, SAF personnel die around the time when SAF day and NDP preparations are coming up. Swine probably helps in the process.

So 28th April was funeral day and my first funeral that i was supposed to take part in. I thought it was at mandai but instead it ended up at bright hill with incense and tortoises abound. So it came to pass that busloads of airforce personnel came streaming in, many of whom didn't know who died and couldn't care less if there was one less 2WO or not.

The coffin carriers didn't iron their uniforms and everybody took it as a chore to be done rather than focus on respecting the deceased and assisting the family. I guess when all your plans are upset, it really seems a chore.

So the Dead March played on. And we filed out of the place soon after that leaving the bugler to do his job. The Last Post. And then it was done. We left.

We had COG rehearsal the next day and we did what we always did, played as we always played, went back to Nee Soon camp as we always have. We were the main band and I guess if you wanted to do COG, you would rather be the main band that marches down Orchard rather than support which play the same songs all the time.

Thursday was free time and in the afternoon we had the chance to go to the treetop walk (my sergeant major's brainchild). It was supposed to be a half day thing but it turned out we still went home at about 5, so not much of a difference. But just being outside and discovering a trail that i've never gone before despite running round macritchie all the time is refreshing. What's more? It was during office hours.

Sunday's COG came and went and as usual, never expected to see anybody i know and so ididn't see anybody. Screwed up a piece's counter melody as did the euphoniums, so the counter melody was destroyed. heh. oh well, what do you expect from NSFs burning their sundays:P

The following week wasn't very eventful and only events that come along are SAF Day rehearsals. Soon there'll be NDP rehearsals and poof weekends gone. And university interviews are coming up so it'll be stressful yet it allows me to be out of camp which reduces stress. So will I be stressed or not? I'll know next week.

I've less than 400 days in the army left and I haven't really met anybody yet. Before I leave Singapore, I want catch up with some people so I really do hope I get the chance. 400 days is a long time but isn't that long too. See you around then

Turf City

2009-04-20T10:00:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was our Turf Club performance and the only thing good that comes out of it is a makan session and the sight of horses.

It was a smoking house. The turnout was like Subiaco oval on derby day. Who knew Singapore had so many horse gamblers? I would guess more than half of them smoked which effectively means I have enabled my lungs to be destroyed to a certain extent. Smoking + Gambling = no no for me. Gambling is alright for the experience and if we knew how to control ourselves. And I know for one, that we all do not know how to. A $5 bet would gradually grow to $10 and $1000 in future. And when anybody wins, somebody loses big time. I'm just against the notion of legalised robbing of somebody else's cash.

To top it all off, they had models in skimpy clothing parade around the entrance. Smoking, gambling, skimpy women. 3 vices in a small little corner of Singapore. Why would anybody want to work there? I never ever want to go back there even though I know I will be forced to. The money not worth it for the moral attack as well as the physical attack on your health.

The horses were majestic to say the least. I really would like to buy a horse one day. And maybe a dog. Even the cheapest would do. Afterall, they're pets, not meant to be forced to run around rings and have horse shoes fitted on them.

And I guess that sums up turf club for me. A place I never want to go again.

And this week made me pretty stressed up. More my mind playing tricks than actual stressful events. I look at everybody around me, having all the "success" in this world" which I yearn secretly and yet do not yet possess. And yet, why do I want to be all that? Why do I want to have all that? I guess it's pride, pride and pride. Sometimes, I wished I could have half the pride I have. And until then, I am not fit to have all these stuff.

Girlfriends. I know I secretly wished I had one. But I know they would just become a showpiece in my entourage which is not what anybody should be. I just need someone that can stand and I can stand, which is quite a tough ordeal considering how unstable I am right now. there are just 2 other criteria which makes it almost impossible for me to find anyone in Singapore. And I know I shouldn't be saying this here but yet, I need to just so that I may get it off my chest.

I must say that after that last paragraph, I feel so much less choked, if you get my meaning. So I shall stop till I next get choked by my own thoughts again. To whoever may read this, I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed it:

Feet of Flames

2009-03-07T08:22:00.004+08:00

Tomorrow's the 8th of march and 28 days are almost over since I last wrote something. ASLC, a postphoned COG, dinner and dance as well as GOH yesterday.

ASLC. It's time for the BMTC batch I went in with pass out as sergeants. Fun was that while I was the Lance Corporal and they were the 3rd Sergeants, I never touched the rain and they were the ones who marched in the rain. Oh well, wish them well for their next 1 year 3 months.

Postponed COG. 1st march was once again COG day and Central Band was taking the main band role. So it rained and poof COG postponed to tomorrow. But while we were at Istana, we had a look inside MP's guard house. I shan't say the amount of leisure they had but it quite a bit. What kind of puts me off is how a head of state can have less escorts than a certain MM. Well, hello Istana tomorrow.

Dinner and dance was an excuse to get home without paying for bus fares since there was a bus to jurong east. But overall it wasn;t very well organised though the view was quite beautiful.

GOH was proof that SAF is a very inefficient organisation. There were 2 guard of honour ceremonies, one in the morning and the other, in the afternoon. And so we had to ship the whole central band for the morning one and the whole Band B for the afternoon one. How efficient. It also meant that while some people were receiving 8 distinctions, we were having "hormat kepada panji-panji hormat senjata". Whichever the case I had quite the bridge time in the later part of the afternoon as well as enjoying MINDEF's canteen food. And for the novelty, I drew money from the ATM in MINDEF. Location? Bt GOMBAK BASE.

But the month wasn't remembered for its parades. It's for the Michael Flatley dances I watched: Lord of the dance and its expansion, Feet of Flames. I never thought I would watch through 3-4 hours of dancing but I did. And if Silvia sees this, I'll be pretty sure she'll be pretty happy. I played through a arrangement of it before in NJ, so I kind of revisited my past in a sense but it was the new which captured my interest. SIAMSA, unheard of but light and colourful.

Also I'll remember it for the number of jumps I've jumped just to have a chance at passing. Every Night, I'll take the chance to go jump and if possible, go swimming in the day. I can't say I was as fit as when I was in BMT, but i'm closer to passing than I ever was.

Not to be left out are, the bridging sessions and the bowling sessions. 'nuff said

So I guess I'll end it here and let it collect dust from another month since OCS beckons to burn alot of days. It's also time for music theory exams, university applications and scholarship application. Which means no time for anything much else. So see ya!

Dance then wherever you may be

COG

2009-01-31T19:29:00.002+08:00

It's my last COG main for the next 5 months with the boring COG supports coming in the next 4 months. It also means a batch of people ORD. One down, five more to go. For now I'll be content to pass my IPPT.

I shan't elaborate on the happenings in camp since they they are out of teh ordinary yet army related all the same. Sports day showed us that Band A thrashes Band B who thrashes Central Band even more.

So this weekend has been interesting. Firstly, there is this tuition pprogramme I've been volunteering at since a day before COG. The kids well, they're Sec 1 NT students and I was at my wits end how to even make them love what they're doing. I suppose I could be called a failure in that aspect. Then like a godsend, there was this HCI girl who interacts with them as easily as ABC, really teaches me alot about handling kids like them. I suppose there is so much more for me to learn. At the end of teh session, it really makes me wonder, did I really try all I could or did I just passed the buck to another person? Whichever the case if passing the buck teaches me to handle others in future then the buck passing was well worth it, since I can fish in future.

Then there was HONSUM organised by dear old Jamie. I went there just in time to eat abit of beehoon and nuggets before other plans were effected. During that short time at the botanic gardens, push ups were shown and so on. I was hoping there was some other topic to be touched on but somehow, they kept going on. Not to say I hate talking about it but nothing new comes out of it, it's the same. You play the game right, it becomes easier, wrongly and it becomes hell. What's more it isn't inclusive of the very people who organises it. I can't complain though considering I don't have much other topics I can talk in depth about.

From what I'm hearing though, I think they all need a copy of 1001 ways to twang.

That aside, the girls remind me of how lives can still be led happily sometimes in a sense of ignorance. There are lives out there being butchered and we comment "how bad can army be?" Of course I believe in simplicity, having been influenced by forrest gump, though not to the extent of insensitivity. How you can be retarded and be humourous and still survive. That's Forrest Gump.

That's what I want to be. Singapore is too complicated for me. A backward corner of the earth for me. When I'm done with twanging.

Lance Copper

2009-01-16T20:47:00.002+08:00

Yeah I think I am a Lance Corporal now, and somehow I don't why I'm happy, maybe it's the 20 dollars more or the realisation that 7 months has gone. 73 more weeks!!! Also 5 more months to Lao Jiao status.

So with that, I'll be having a packed week ahead. 2xCOG rehearsal, 1x Prestige Guards for brunei crown prince, 1x Change of command rehearsal and 1x actual change of command. It's packed by band standards. What's not packed is the last month, where we had half days and swimming at other times.

Some of us went swimming again this week. Never thought I could do 30 odd laps non stop. But I did, which means I felt hungrier than ever. This results in a certain kind of snacking every now and then. Staying in with snacks is just great. There's TV, snacks, newspapers, books and alot of other items which basically is better outfitted than my home already is. And it's times like this when I think of those sad fellas in Tekong or the even sadder fellas who only go in 3 months later. By then, I'll have a packed schedule to take my mind off. Before I know it, it's ORD mood time!

Does anybody have malay books to dump onto me? I'm your one stop dumping ground.

There's this other guy, I killed his ff character unknowingly just after he killed a boss. Yet he was still cordial. It's such a quality I need to learn. We both lived in Australia for a period of time so we always have the frequent thrashing of each other's states. Even to the extent of others pointing out that we're both wearing epaulettes with "singapura" on them and arguing pointlessly about something in a foreign land. The daily poking fun at each other kind of thing is one of my likes not the parties and clubs. They say I don't have a life because I stay in. But it's the sanity that God gives me that gives me life. It doesn't matter if I'm in or out of camp. I realise I don't need that computer or arcade or movie. I just need like minded people. People who I can relate, which I find frustratingly difficult to find.

There's sports day coming up and I've got to coax 1 km out of my out of shape legs. And after watching Forrest Gump, I'm inspired.

Run Forrest Run

Christmas Eve

2008-12-24T20:12:00.003+08:00

One year ago, I sat on that plane flying back to Singapore. I sat next to this girl who apparently was 8-10 years my senior in Commonwealth Secondary School. We talked throughout the flight about how her boyfriend was a regular, how our common school has shifted and torn down countless times, about Transformers, about the sun sand and sea, how we were going home that night. I thought I didn't need to treasure her much as a friend. How wrong could I be?

On hindsight, she was more a friend on that 5 hour flight than people I spent 2-6 years with. For that, I miss her.

One year, a year of waiting frustration and anguish. It's enough to turn me sullen and dull, worried and agitated. But, I believe I now know better. Why be quick to anger adn frustration? So what if the whole army stops working because of me? Didn't I tell them I was unwilling? Why fret? Why not take it like a child, where everything is fun and you've no expectations of yourself or how things work. They are what they are, let them take their natural course.

One whole year and who can I trust and who can't I not trust? I already have a better idea of them. And maybe it's just as good if I start all over in a different country and burn my old life. Just bring the clothes on my body and my family.

I have one more Christmas to pass before I see the end. And the beginning of what I want to be. What I'll wait for. 19 years old and dusting my sandals. I love and hate you.

Once upon a broken heart

Once upon a broken heart
I was walking alone in the dark
Looking for a way to start again
What I wouldn't give for a friend
There was no love in my life
There was no light in my eyes
All the tears that I had cried and cried
Seemed like they'd never end

And I never believed fairytales came true
But now I know that they really do
Now that I found you, now that I'm here with you
Just look at the sunshine, and you
Showed me a world
That I'd never seen
I woke up and fell into this dream
Happily ever after just took time
Once upon this broken heart of mine

Long ago and far away
I could never dream of the day
That your love would come my way and stay
And sweep me away and I

Never believed fairytales came true
But now I know that they really do
Now that I found you, now that I'm here with you
Just look at the sunshine, and you
Showed me a world
That I'd never seen
I woke up and fell into this dream
Happily ever after just took time
Once upon this broken heart of mine

this is the way a fairytale feels
This is the way I know it's real
'Cause this is the way a broken heart heals

And I never believed fairytales came true
But now I know that they really do
Now that I found you, now that I'm here with you
Just look at the sunshine, and you
Showed me a world
That I'd never seen
I woke up and fell into this dream
Happily ever after just took time
Once upon this broken heart of mine

Feliz Navidad

2008-12-16T00:56:00.004+08:00

So I just finished the Change of Guards at Istana as the main band, BMTC 1 and 2 POP and now is block off/leave! Which is good since my brother is flying back to Perth this friday. Gives me a whole week to sleep and spend time with everybody else in my family. How I wish I could have a break every 3 months in the army.

Change of Guards was a new experience since I never thought I could play while marching ever but now, I believe I'm at least 50% there. And what they say was true, first and last COGs are the most memorable and this was my first and as a main band too. Even officers don't get to wear No. 1 and march down Orchard Road. Let alone a washed up Private like me. True I'm one of the worst and I get a lot of flak for it but the enjoyment and feeling for the need to continually improve drives me. The knowledge that I wouldn't be having music as a career also allows me to take this as a recreational activity with just that bit more stress.

BMTC 1 and 2 POP was interesting since this was the batch that POP-ed immediately after my batch POP. CEFGHJKQYZ coys and LMNPRSTU coys. It also allowed me to see the mild obese coys going about their usual start of BMT admin work and SAF core value book presentation. It was funny how all their faces held a sense of dread and gloom while I was walking freely when only 6 months ago I was holed up 4km away from the jetty looking just as sad.

Seeing Whiskey coy's blue bedsheets, showers without doors, rooms half the size and lecture room with even less functional tables, I really must have gotten a heaven in rocky hill. Even my recruits' annex and table tennis room were air conditioned. And when wanting to report sick, time wasted on tonners ensures the maximum dodging of all saikang and physical activity. Some even decided to have their own canteen break. Despite everybody else's whinging of rocky hill, I still find it the best on that accursed island. And to be frank, there are things on the mainland more accursed considering that all things military is accursed.

However, I wonder more adn more why people take such a negative attitude to me nowadays. Of course, it gives me freedom to act on my own, to read books while everybody else sleeps, to leave without feeling held back by others. And I notice this after I came back from australia. Have I changed that much? If I have, then Singapore holds nothing much more for me since in itself the majority of people here reject me. Who do I have now? Who do I spend time with now?

The people I thought I was close with, found others more worth their time. Especially with NS commitments, I became an even smaller sidenote. When they do go in, they'll see those who they hold close go as far as that penguin ferry goes. OCS and SISPEC becomes important. When they have got into OCS, they realise its even worse and provides less time. IS 2LT or 3SG worth the world? I'd rather be a corporal or lance and retain me and my sanity, no matter how much flak I get.

Of course, all this has just been a great disappointment. But all the same, I'll just have to slink away and this ignominy of being a lousy NSmen and low ranked person makes my absence even less noticeable. Which is the desired effect even though I like being with others. It is something I thank God for no matter how tough it gets now because the future 1 and a half years later is even better than what I lost. Friends? Most of them just downgraded themselves to acquaintances.

Once my brother returns to Perth, I'll just have to endure 3 more times of what I've just gone through. It's true what's here makes Perth seem like heaven. So yeah, 77 weeks and 4 days more. I get to see some graduate then.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder? I hope it does!

Bah! Humbugs

2008-12-04T09:44:00.003+08:00

I see what people gave each other words such as "I'll miss you" and so on.

The same people said that less than 2 years ago.

The fact that the person that I feel ok to talk to is Erica Yap is telling.

And then I ask myself, Why Chase Something That Died 2 Years Ago?

The bad is I am lonely which I could get used to and something that I need to learn to cope with. The frustration from it gets to me many times, resulting in quite a lot of botched relationships. With potential friends, parents and my brother.

The good is that I learn to cope with it somehow and it slows me down. I also can do things without interfering with others or others interfering in a sense. I suppose it could be the sanctuary that my heart really needs.

One and a half years more and within that I've got to change my sights since my mind isn't what it is anymore. It has another purpose for this period of time.

Since some would rather be a mercedes or more appropriately, Mademoiselle de Morcerf, I shall keep to my peace and shan't endeavour helping in Tekong despite having free tickets for the next week. Au Revoir, Mademoiselle.

80 weeks

2008-11-28T23:27:00.002+08:00

So I've got 80 weeks left.

80 weeks of lonesomeness which I suppose I mind but I believe I can still survive it. It's times like these that you go against the world and still come out alive and kicking.

And it is times like these that a return of one's brother is a piece of welcome news. Like now.

Thanks God.

Class outing was a gauge of how much I still fit into Singapore and I must say, I lose touch with alot of things and I don't intend to be in touch with them ever again.

80 weeks. that's all. No more. Trust me to make it less.

Yankee doodle came to town

2008-11-14T19:50:00.003+08:00

The principal players of the US marine band are in town and they're having more of a holiday than anything else.

More importantly, I passed my course and am now on course for 82 more weeks of saxophone playing and drills. Goodbye No.4, Hello No. 1 2 3 and 5. In which case, officers can never tempt me with their No. 1 uniforms because I'll wear it more often than them. But still, they'll get back at me with their $$.

I always complain that MINDEF made me lose 6 months of my life waiting for NS. True, and I'll never forget that. But to me, there was a greater plan. Would have such a clear path to SAF Bands? Will I pass so easily considering that I had not played in 2 years?

Well, so I pass with a distinction in theory and pass in everything else which makes it a pass. Friends? They are acquaintances and in fact in singapore, NJC has still been the place where I have the closest people to me who it seems aren't that close considering I don't show my face often enough in the past 2 years. It suggests to me that I'll be pretty lonely for teh remaining 1 year 7 months with books as my closest companions. Makes me miss dear perth more and more and secretly, I'm hoping somebody makes the trip here over the summer.

I've got 4 days of leave outstanding and monday or tuesday would be the time I start applying for leave on the 1 2 3 and 26 of december. Really do hope I get it even though I'm not sure if I'll get the 1, 2, 3.

So what exactly is the focus of this post? I actually just wrote this to feel slightly less lonely. Partially because what I value is so different from others and my prudence borders or even crosses the "stingy" line. Partially because of how I react to people. Which is why I just hope with a new band I'll get new chances. To change my second part? possible. first part? Unless there is something I haven't considered, no.

With a new band, I'll be staying in soon. Which is good, giving more time to read, study, and probably find out the length and breadth of yishun to ang mo kio. Closer but farther to some.

For now, I'll be contented to spend the night with teh ghost of Christmas Past Present and Yet to Come as well as Edmond Dantes. And maybe Pip in future. Mr Lockwood, Catherine Earnshaw as well as Ms Christie's works beckon to be read. Till then, There's a hope.

French German Italian

2008-10-19T07:27:00.002+08:00

Why must Debussy write everything in french???

So after 4 weeks into my course, I have 86 more weeks before I ORD! My ex section commander has repeatedly told me it's too long and too far away to start counting, though I beg to differ. They said to enjoy the moment.

But I said, whether I'm in the military band or some combat vocation, it doesn't matter, it's not what I want to do in my future. Knowing my ORD gives me focus on what I'm fighting for, striving for. What I really love doing. For me, this is just a detour, a short wandering in the desert.

Only knowing that the promised land lies 86 weeks away can I keep myself from being engulfed in the moment.

My capitan has, I believe, realised this. He knows I came back just to serve NS. He takes an interest in me though that may be a bad thing. Whichever case, I would only have 86 weeks spent with him being my superior. For good or for bad.

I saw through a couple of hundred of photos on facebook of the graduation ceremony/assembly/day. Of course, that feeling of being left out seeps in and I cannot deny it. But I do realise that that is no more my time. I should not crash anything because I myself would not like anybody crash anything of mine anywhere else in the world especially when they weren't involved much.

From which, I resolve not to barge into anything unless I'm invited. Which means I'm pretty much quite lonely:( But oh well 86 weeks also symbolises the start of the end of loneliness. And if I do go out in Perth again, I would not limit my credit limit. Because that would be a time of celebration.

Listening to Yiruma's River flows in You both on youtube and played live by training wing mates is just heavenly. That is why i like my job so much. You play with everything. PSP, piano, instruments, sports, games. As well as laugh at each other's drills. I am lucky to have a group which doesn't smoke, forgives easily and truthful most of the time. They accept and laugh at each other but don't directly despise anybody. This vocation, in my opinion, is better than OCS, not because of its lack of physical activity but rather, the true comradeship than people who strive so hard to be better than each other.

To 86 weeks! To Nov 17! To June 12 2010!

SAF Bands

2008-10-01T12:04:00.002+08:00

After reading the deaths and pains of people in NS (my BMTC mates as well as newspapers), I must really be thankful for where I am posted.

True, it may be far and costly to reach. True, I may not last past 8 weeks because I suck now. Whichever the case, I feel extremely thankful and I'm trying to enjoy my minimum of eight weeks here.

I may be tired and scolded for drills boots clothing and pumped for dressing. It's all worth it since I get to learn grade 5 music free, hear those pro electone/piano people play wonderful pieces, interact with 12 great people, laugh at myself for not being able to sing a note as well as improve my aural and practical skills, no matter how bad they may be at the end. At least it would have been an improvement.

The fact that this camp provides for sanity in a military environment is good enough for me to like it. I knew I was complaining the whole of last week but maybe I was too hard on myself. I suppose abit more happy go lucky attitude would suit better and true, I found it more rosy this week maybe because of teh Hari Raya festivities.

This ooposed to people in SISPEC and OCS. While OCS may give you the rank, people are already breaking down from the first 3 weeks of confinement. Of course the rank in the end brings with it pros which people value and is indeed valuable but its value varies with different people.

SISPEC on the other hands lets you die in training and then die even more at the hands of both officers and men at units. Already 2 platoon mates have OOC-ed and the rest are complaining. Maybe they'll have fond memories of it but at the cost of some civillian values. If you won't stay in the military why want to behave like a soldier?

Then comes to the death of that poor fella. Chances are, we won't know what happened to him.

That is why I value my job more and more. You look at MDC and air weapons operators and maybe I envy them but yet I know I have it easier than everybody else and I should do my best and stop envying others. For the first time in my NS =P.

Good night and good luck

2008-09-19T11:49:00.003+08:00

You know you are well taken care of when this happens

Comd SAF BMTC wishes you all the best in your future posting.

Your Posting Order is listed below:

1. You are posted to SAF BANDS.

2. Your vocation is MUSICIAN.

ZAI.

2008-07-19T19:42:00.002+08:00

NS is a new experience which I guess I'll never take well to.

Unless I become an officer but like that will ever happen if I don't get that 11 cm for SBJ. Whichever the case, I'll be perfectly happy to be a man.

And if my PC or PS or sec com or whoever sees this, they'll be mighty disappointed since I was their gold hope thanks to my running. But frankly, it's alot easier to cut down 11 minutes to 9.30 than to gain 11 cm in SBJ in 1 month.

Though, I wonder do I want to be those commanders? The officers have a certain mould and so do the specialists. If I already dismiss military discipline as useless, then what happens to me if i'm forced to carry it out? Might as well follow orders and act blur.

They're always pushing people to train hard but don't they realise it's a vicious cycle. People train hard, they get injured, they take status, they miss training and finally is rewarded with an extra night's stay in tekong for RT. For those who don't get injured, good on you. So what's the point of training hard? Might as well go through it at your own comfortable pace.

While I'm not the kind who likes to chao keng and am always fearful of authority like a good singaporean is, I see the merits of being boh chup in the army. The less you care, the less worried you are, the less stress. Not the best attitude, but seeing the military as it is, taking such a stance prolongs your life. There's a saying, "Act Blur Live Longer".

Best of all, I come in a poly batch, where everybody has a diploma. I've no idea why they're so garang. I know the JC batch is worse. But seriously, can't let a poor man sleep till 530? They would bother about officers being younger than them rather than accepting that the officers have the seniority in the army. They would just as soon cannibalise of their own if the sergeant makes a little noise. It's like a verbal and mental blanket party. And they'll forever assert that poly is better than JC.

I'm the youngest there, by 4 years when compared to the oldest. The reason why I'm so badly bullied is because my running is alright. Otherwise, I'm fresh meat.

I'll be eating so I've got to go but next week If I book out on a friday, I talk more if not 3 weeks later because field camp is here.

Cognito Ergo Sum

2008-06-04T20:20:00.003+08:00

4th of June is about the time I got about 700 bucks for the past month's labour, working about 37 hours or so a week at that oh-so-good price of 5 dollars an hour.

But I suppose I must be thankful I am a cashier, which gets the highest pay when compared to grocery and fresh food departments.

Lots of newsworthy items in the news yet I take no interest in them. Pedra Branca got my attention but anything with Chee in it or MM or PM or Lee (big or small) just doesn't hit a chord. Not because the opposition sucks big time thanks to this Chee guy (I don't believe this, not one bit), but more so because you know the outcome before the verdict. JBJ was right, a judge can't be impartial if she was involved.

But enough of that, I'm more caught up with politics at my side.

Have I not worked hard enough to have a share in the award? Surely I did something to save plastic bags even if I don't really know about the "golden chef" thing that much. Best of all, after years working there, none of them have the guts to tell an amateur of 3 months that he's not invited. Trying to keep it secret from me is really irritating. What incentive do I have to work harder?

When I leave I can say I held my end of the bargain, and they did theirs, but I'll never ever work for them again. They can go train whichever new fella, since they obviously showed me I don't matter.

So just what incentive do I have to work harder? My personal ethical code. "Whatever your hands find to do, do it with all your might" Bet I misquoted that, but the meaning's there. I'll work harder, not longer which implies dropping everything at 1pm if I have to. Beyond my contractual hours, they can go find somebody else and they will.

Somebody asked me why i would go to the lengths of pushing goods into the store fervently even if I don't get appreciation. I just smiled. and never said a word.

Cognito ergo sum. I think therefore I am. I don't do some extra duties for that appreciation. I do because I do my best. I do sometimes because some of them are my friends. I do it because a good job doesn't require appreciation. I do it because I wanted to and because I started it. I just likened it to God giving me salvation for nothing much at all. Maybe some things are meant to be done in such a way.

My charm is not a talisman or thing but my biblical principles. Whenever I apply them, my job becomes magnificent. When I cut corners, it becomes mediocre. Because I think, I make my choice, therefore resulting in who I am. And I rejoice in that.

Now, I'm worried for army. How am I to keep my principles if I don't want to be a saikang or preventing myself from being injured? If my principles were even breached in this 3 months what about 2 years? 730 days is a long time. 730 attacks on my conscience.

I can't afford to lose, I hope I can be who I am, what i am on 12th june 2010. I suppose I'll find that out next week. Cheers.

The Picture of Dorian Gray

2008-05-22T00:24:00.004+08:00

"I have grown to love secrecy. It seems to be the one thing that can make modern life mysterious or marvellous to us. The commonest thing is only delightful if one hides it."

How does my picture look like now? One that's insane enough to drive me to insanity?

I've grown to be anglocentric these days. Can't miss Doctor Who. Can't stop reading Shakespeare and British writings. Oscar Wilde. Aldous Huxley. Tolkien. Maybe Agatha Christie one day.

Now for something that reminds me of the West.

I like you. I like the things you do.
You make me want to be a better man.
Makes me want to understand
how you could do the things you do
Well I like you.

HBF

i like you

I'm 17 and three quarters of a year old.

Pay Day

2008-05-07T14:29:00.003+08:00

For a supposed 174.5 hours of work, I got slightly less than a thousand of which 20 %went to CPF and 0.1% went to CDAC.

Pittens I know, even a relief teacher earns more for half the hours done. Whatever the case, it is a place where I still learn stuff including a certain degree of dialect speaking and malay.

Even though this is my first pay packet, it is most probably my second last for this company. In precisely five weeks and 2 days I'll be gone from this island and thus begins Mission Wayang.

So what exactly have I learnt? In that company and may be for others as well, it's not worth being under 18 years. Can't sell beer/wine/cigarettes due to government laws and you always get scolded by customers who don't see your point of view. One just has to shrug their shoulders and carry on.

It's not worth working hard and in the process make mistakes and get stressed up. Too much money? Short of money? For a cashier short of money means they make up the difference and their previous "too much money" situation counts for nothing. So for those who happily walk away from a counter thinking they got extra money, just remember somebody picks up that slack. Likewise as a cashier, it is worth noting that not everybody can afford footing extra money for their purchases. And as a personal ethical code, I didn't want to cheat others of money simply because I made a mistake and lost money.

To become too bothered with doing your best spells more mistakes and ultimately insomnia. I've thus decided that I shan't be bothered much about looking good and whatever their comments are and just do the exchange of money well. Frankly, just how many people care if a cashier has long or short hair if he does his job fast?

Always pity the new cashier. Be nice.

Get used to eating dinner at 4 pm.

Well 5 more weeks before a further boost to hokkien skills. Till then I hope to get another 800 bucks which is cut by CDAC and CPF once again. Till then I'll try to enjoy myself. And maybe try to crash a track and field meet. On top of shakespeare and my Personal statement. Cheerios.

An email from dear cecil.

HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following purports to be an actual question given on a University of Washingtonchemistry mid-term exam.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbsheat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gascools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we needto know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at whichthey are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul getsto Hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how manysouls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist inthe world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of theirreligion, you will go to Hell. Since ther e is more than one of thesereligions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we canproject that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are,we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, welook at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law statesthat in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, thevolume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enterHell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell willincrease until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman yearthat,'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozenover. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, itfollows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,extinct..... . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

As You Like It

2008-04-28T10:45:00.002+08:00

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms;
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lin'd,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well sav'd, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything

The journey started years ago
Yet it's only begun.

Call forth the army
'cause I'll be calling on them
on what better day than friday the 13th of June

16th May 2010
See you then

As You Like It
No prodigal portion have I spent and I like to keep it that way.

You are one of many and only I am one

2008-04-15T20:00:00.003+08:00

My roots are here or are they not?

My primary school is different in every aspect down to the uniform.

My secondary school is at a different place and the old place is taken by another school.

Junior college makes me sick in the stomach. I have to fight for a simple testimonial and proper CCA record. My IP2 Certificate is comes one and a quarter years later (for that matter, everybody else's). They are the only place I know who would give financial assistance and backdate deductions when they withdraw the assistance.

It's not 15 years since I was living here. Yet things change so much. It's 5 years before I worked at Bukit Batok East that I went to that area. Yet, the field is converted to a hardcourt, the bird cage poles have been stumped out and replaced by an ash burning cage. The old folks who parade their birds 10 years ago are all but gone. Construction sites spring up everywhere. It's no more the place I spent my childhood.

Nearer home, the central area got the polyclinic privatised, many trees and plants I know that has been stumped out (a couple got sawed off today) and the countless times they destroyed playgrounds I played on and rebuilt them, sometimes a couple of times over.

So just what are my roots? You sawed them off when you sawed off that tree. You tore them apart when you tore down structures. You buried them when you rebuilt over the land.

That soil is just soil to me, not the kind you'd kiss. Because I don't know the place anymore.

We are one, but we are many
And from all the lands on earth we come
We share a dream
And sing with one voice

It doesn't have to be

2008-04-02T22:36:00.002+08:00

I ain't complaining because if I did, it won't help. What I'm saying is that it doesn't have to be the way it is.

Tell me why senior staff would be so intolerant of slightly baser workers?
Tell me why senior stuff must act condescendingly to new staff?
Tell me why senior staff would care about new staff's small mistakes when they make the biggest errors?

It doesn't have to be like that.

I know I could be an asset and I just need time and space. By cramping me, it just hurts everybody. Funny why nobody thinks it that way.

So yeah, it's a sign when the customers give me a better feeling than the staff do. Especially since my primary school is across the road but somehow I keep meeting JC people I knew.

People from all walks of life come in and go out. Old women and men, young kids, middle aged parents, anybody with money and lazy to pop into Shop N Save to compare prices. Pretty interesting since I haven't met people like that since I was 12. A step back down to earth just before I scale new heights at university( or hit new lows). Whatever the case I have got to slog through it.

It sounds cliched. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It doesn't have to be this way...

But even if it is, so be it! I'll bury Caesar but not honour him.

I am You are We are Australian

At the Counter

2008-03-29T20:30:00.002+08:00

So I suppose I finally got a job, working at the NTUC fairprice checkout. My official designation is cashier, although some Australians would prefer to call me a checkout chick. -_-'"

ok fyi, checkouts in Australia are mainly done by females because their suppose to be more feminine and attractive and logically be more service orientated. And because almost everybody from 15 years old above does some kinda work, they never have a shortage of checkout chicks.

ok maybe now they have.

Well the first 3 days of the past week was spent at a training centre playing with cashiering machines, must admit it's pretty fun. Then the past 3 days including today allows me to watch others do, from behind the actual counter.

Suddenly, things look different.

No chances for error and the need to remember that department codes for apples is 5701, for oranges is 5702 and so on, in addition to the weighing codes such as 1288 is for guava and 1296 is for chiku etc. My inability to sell alcohol/beer/wine/JOLLY SHANDY because I'm below 18 doesn't help my cause either. Add the pressure of a really long queue, nasty customers and gloomy faced singaporeans as well as my nervousness, and it's a recipe to disaster.

I am sure I won't think that cashiering is such a nobrainer job anymore. Because it isn't, anybody that differs can try the job full-time and tell me. I'm only a part timer. Of course, none of this is what I'm good at and the more I look at it, it's quite my achilles heel. Anybody who sees me doing it wouldn't think I was scoring As or anything like that before. I don't mean to say that As are the top definitive but rather that people would thingk I was scum to do this kinda job. That's how bad I am.

However that is precisely the lure of it. To do something that I haven't done before and ain't good at. Somewhere where I can mixed with the so called "lower" echelon of society. And believe me when I say I don't mean to be condescending.

I realise, that for the past five years, not even Commonwealth has given me the kind of exposure to teh common man on the ground type of people that I begin to lose touch with them. And whatever better academic credentials I have, I give something to them: they make a better cashier. And maybe a host of many other things.

Another interesting thing, why does everybody think I'm malay? Talk about not differentiating between indians and malays (from Elaine's blog). Some can't even distinguish chinese from malay!

Whatever the case, it's been a really fun yet at times, embarrassing and stressful, week for me. I can see that the next 3 months would supply me with lots of learning pointers which would ensure I'll go to University with a higher chance of securing a job at the local fast food joint/supermarket/whatever-that-needs-a-checkout. In terms of securing experience that gives better prospects in the casual or part time work industry, this would be better than a law internships though I'm pretty sure the law internship might give you a better chance at a Harvard law place.

Well, at least now I'm set for the period before NS since my time is being wasted by Mindef for an undisclosed (if you consider "constraints" as a reason maybe when your teacher asks you about your homework, tell him/her that you've got constraints and maybe it's a valid reason) reason. especially when Mindef is complaining about a fall in enlistees. Well enough about NS.

It's going to be funny handling a couple of hundred thousand worth of goods and money withing this period. Well, if you think of the people handling millions, maybe it isn't so funny after all.

Neo or Lowry?

2008-03-22T21:10:00.002+08:00

I've been wanting write something all week but just can't put it in words. Still, I believe I'll make the effort to phrase it now.

I've been busying myself with things to do, from watching "The Full Monty" to reading "To Kill A Mockingbird", from queuing to try getting free bryani to scaling Bukit Timah and Bukit Batok.

Never ever thought that Singapore could get me down by wasting my life. But they did. Depressed would be just about the right word. Which was precisely why I went bush whacking and hill scaling.

Just imagine, bushes and trees dancing in the wind, streams lending their voice to the symphony, accompanied by a full orchestra of cicadas, only to be spoiled by a chopper chopping the wind.

Nevertheless, I felt that I could take on the world after that even though if the world really took me on, I'll most probably be hiding with Mas Selamat right now.

Within the hills, the limestone cry out, with peaks that tower to the sky, supporting the silver lining of the clouds. People fishing, people running, laughs abound. As I walk along, with bitumen under my foot, I tread back towards the stark reality. And when I should need awakening from my slumber or my tub of goo, I shall turn to the birds, trees, insects, clouds and return via that old bitumen track once again.

"O wonder!
How many goodly creatures are there here!
How beauteous mankind is!
O brave new world
That hath such people in't!"

Who will be our Atticus Finch, Jeremy Atticus Finch, Jean Louise Finch? Who will be our Miss Maudie, Dubrose or Stephanie Crawford? Who are our Walter Cunninghams, Arthur Radleys? Just who is an Ewell? Or who is destined to be a Robinson?

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,

Just what are we, what were we and what will we be? What is your truth and what is your reality? I always laugh when I think of this. For me to say what is true and real and what is false and dream-like is to invite criticism of arrogance. Yet on the other hand, since each is entitled his own view and taking into account their context, there are approximately 6 billion different realities, some of which overlap, most of which don't.

So just what do you believe is real? Whatever it may be, it always follows the age old rule: the truth shall set you free

I'll never walk alone

2008-03-06T15:02:00.002+08:00

I just lost another year of my life.
They told me if I felt this way then too bad.
And if they expect me to love Singapore and the Government now, they are asking for the moon, the sky and the stars. It's like asking Liverpool fans to love Tom Hicks. They're in Dreamland.

I've seen the MP, called them, feedbacked to them and the like. They always make it seem like we are begging them. damned idiots.

But life goes on, and so will I.
I cannot rest now. I crave for blood.
I'll let God fight them for me. I'm tired of them.
And I know, I'll never walk alone.

There will come a time when I'll take a separate road.
Guided by a sense of fervour
I would have said hatred but I remember my past.
Hatred gives power for a year. True power comes through a different source.

Now, this old Scottish song gives me a whole new meaning.

By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes,
Where the sun shines bright on Loch Lomon'.
where me and my true love were ever wont to gae
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o' Loch Lomon'.

O ye'll tak' the high road and I'll tak the low road,
An' I'll be in Scotland afore ye;
But me and my true love will never meet again
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o' Loch Lomon'.

'Twas there that we parted in yon shady glen,
On the steep, steep side o' Ben Lomon',
Where in purple hue the Hieland hills we view,
An' the moon comin' out in the gloamin'.

O ye'll tak' the high road and I'll tak the low road,
An' I'll be in Scotland afore ye;
But me and my true love will never meet again
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o' Loch Lomon'.

The wee birdies sing and the wild flow'rs spring,
And in sunshine the waters are sleepin';
But the broken heart it kens nae second spring,
Tho' the waefu' may cease frae their greetin'

O ye'll tak' the high road and I'll tak the low road,
An' I'll be in Scotland afore ye;
But me and my true love will never meet again
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o' Loch Lomon'.

What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other word would smell as sweet

2008-02-19T23:34:00.004+08:00

It's hard to just get into prison. It's even harder when the date of entry is uncertain.

I never believe I would find myself in this, but I'm in a catch-22 position. How ironic that it must be set against a military backdrop again. I can't go University and I can't bloody get into the army. I must be in Singapore by 31st december last year, and I can't into the army even by march.

I can see why people find 6 years bondage is a long time. Even 3 years for me is long.

I am expected to take it. I am expected to say "C'est La Vie" and move on. The human capacity for adaptation always results in an acceptance for change which should never have been accepted.

March is a definite no-no for me, while June is a sure they say. If I pass NAPFA, then I hope I get april. Whatever the case, they left a really bitter taste in my mouth.

Systems are meant to increase the efficiency of processing, not take away the humanity of it. The system here is just perfect. It has a total disregard for the human aspect of life. The system isn't aiding them; they become the system, a system of robots. So what about us?

WA and SA may be home to Brian Burke or David Hicks or Ben Cousins or Eric Edgar Cooke but the fact they present a human image a human community. Singapore can be the least corrupt, most efficient, most anything but without a human touch, it's just cold steel.

But weighing my options up now, I have only 2 or 3. And at least one of them will work. See you in 2 and a third year then. For those peers of mine aiming for an australian university, I'll be your classmate if I go there. I'll say I come from WA, originally of Singapore, because I am somebody with a heart and a soul, I am human, not some steel sheet moulded in the shape of 2 arms, 2 legs, a head and a body.

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

2008-02-13T11:02:00.002+08:00

Ever since I came back to singapore, there's nothing but hate, despair, frustration, stress, pressure, anger, pessimism.

I really abhor this place. It doesn't bring me much happy memories. What about you?

Chinese New Year

2008-02-08T00:30:00.000+08:00

First of all, THANKS Charlyn!

No visiting for me, but I still think it's good. Afterall, the only thing they do talk in my family is grades, money and success in life.

In Australia, there's this Singapore-born Australian Chinese who has her brothers in Singapore, her father in Bali and her mother out of the house at that time, so she decided to watch bridget jones' diary for chinese new years' eve.

I'm fortunate enough to be able to have my father here even if half my family is in Australia at the moment. And I'm fortunate to have a soccer game and see a golden retriever that runs round after round around a block of properties. And decide to run/walk from sixth avenue to bukit batok.

I miss watching bbc shows in Australia especially "Doctor Who" and its Christmas special :((

Once I found a stowaway
Upon my ship on Christmas Day
I was fair so I gave him a chance
“You shouldn’t be here,
What’s your tale?
I ought to throw you to the whale.”
He just smiled and said,
“Come here, let’s dance.”

He said, “Borrow or steal,
I’ll find a way
To be with my lover upon Christmas Day
And I’ll run and I’ll roam
I’ll cover the ground
This Christmas I’ll see you
I’ll be around.”

He told me ’bout his girl back home
Waiting patient, all alone
While we danced I shed a little tear
He closed his eyes, all out at sea,
I think he danced with her not me
I’ll just have to wait another year.

He said, “Borrow or steal,
I’ll find a way
To be with my lover upon Christmas Day
And I’ll run and I’ll roam
I’ll cover the ground
This Christmas I’ll see you
I’ll be around.”

I think of him now and again
I wonder how his journey ends
As I sail by on my lonesome sea
That stranger with the haunting face
Here then gone without a trace
Lying with his love, that’s where he’ll be.

“Beg, borrow or steal
I’ll find a way
To be with my lover next Christmas Day
And I’ll run and I’ll roam
I’ll cover the ground
Next Christmas I’ll see you
I’ll be around.”

Week CNY

2008-02-04T17:56:00.000+08:00

So it's Chinese New Year again

And one week has passed again. I must say, it hasn't been too bad a week besides domestic trouble so I'll focus on the positives first.

I got everything done last thursday, save for softball but I suppose another time would always do. I've more or less decided on my choice colleges for both choice Universities. Now to write a Personal Statement that would wow the selectors. If not, I'll stick to dear old Australia. Which is not too bad because I already have a bank account there, I know how to play with immigration and the various aspects of life.

Now, the bad part. I still can't jump 2.2m. And most probably after BMT, I still can't jump. I just hope it is in March so that I can at least make it to the first semester of University.

Now, the really bad part. Where shall I start? To say I'm well-to-do is correct and yet to say I'm poor is also true. You see, I come from a dysfunctional family and according to populist view, I should be in the worst echelon of society with bad results and even worse attitude towards life in general. So while dysfunctionalities exist, I am thankful that it hasn't tampered too much with me.

My father and mother always quarrel. "What's new?" you say. The fact its been on since the wedding day. The fact my home is a mess now. The fact I'm not even confident of having a university education because of it. The fact it can never be resolved. and has never been resolved. It's a road to death and destruction.

It's frustrating. Every time I try to pull myself out of this rut, this quicksand, my mother drags everybody down again. And she'll still get angry with me for siding with my father. So everybody loses. I've a good mind to not come home during my army days if it gets too bad.

So am I well-to-do or poor? Well, I certainly have the money. But nothing ties up money and loses money like a relationship gone really sour. Thankfully, I still have just enough to pass the day and my brother has enough to pay for his education. Now, my education is the one at stake.

I tell myself, it'll be over in 6 years max when I complete university because I know whatever the case, my brother will pay for me by slogging his guts out. And that's if I go to my second choice University which I reckon is still quite good. But why would I want to torture him?

Throughout the years, my family has given up millions of dollars just because of infighting. And right now, after 10 years of neither parent working, I'm glad to have a roof over my head and the dream of education. Even if it is just barely. Even if it's just a HDB. And I'm glad even 10 years hasn't made me a pauper because there is Manna. And I'm always glad for it.

6 years. Just 6 years. it won't be long. Just one year ago, around CNY, I was packing myself off to Perth. Now, to pack myself off on the next 2 years and on to the next 3 or 4 years and then on to another 3 years. I believe I'll make it. Because There'll always be enough. I just feel really sad for my family. It's disintegrating.

A week

2008-01-28T21:56:00.000+08:00

One week is a long time to wait just for my posting letter. And I hope it comes.

In this week on a Thursday,
I'll try to attempt the impossible by asking Mrs Tan to write a reference for me.
I'll try to remind Mr Cheng of a certain reference
I'll try to go play softball, if Jeremy and company allows

Yesterday, I got irritated with the telly when it decided to cut off the Aussie Open in the last game of the second last set on the last day of the open. Strangely, the "box office hit" called X men 2 didn't entice me as much as the not-so-primetime Aussie Open.

Well, Djokovic won and I'm happy, but all due credit to Tsonga, they played one of the best matches of tennis I've seen (which isn't extensive).

Besides weights and the swimming pool, the telly has been one of my better friends. From the Tennis at Melbourne Park to kiddy shows on Kids Central, the variety seems pretty bland to me. It is however, to my amazement, that I never followed certain medical advice with regards to a certain issue raised on some of this kiddy shows.

Asthma. Telly says,"use the spray everyday or for slower relief, take a pill everyday". Uh-huh, 3 months or so after my hospitalisation due to asthma as a kid, I was taking no such pills or spraying aerosols into my mouth. Talk about disregarding doctor's advice. After 11 years. And it's funny how I'm running, swimming, playing sports without a single bit of vandolin/sabutamol etc. in my system.

In this week, I am also going to
Organise my stuff and pack them into boxes
Finish viewing certain colleges' prospectuses
Read a book or two
Sell another 30 kg of stuff
Wash my clothes

That's not too bad a list just that number 1 would be a bit of a handful. Haiz...12 years of back rubbish shipped out of the room.

I'm beginning to like the sound of my first and second five-year plan just as Stalin did. Just give me the affirmation this week that it starts in MARCH. PLEASE...

The benefits of NS

2008-01-19T23:16:00.000+08:00

Yes. Benefits. And I'm not mad.

Not the standard "portfolio showing leadership skills", "discipline", "patriotism", "strength" etc.

While Strength is a major benefit, a greater one is there. For the losses of opportunities elsewhere, I found a new opportunity and best of all, thanks to NS. Though I must say that opportunity is more risky over every other, it also is more rewarding, just as risk is linked with higher returns in life.

If all goes well, i should be in at least 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 different countries within the next 10 years. If not, 2 and a possible 3rd. If not for NS, I would never have thought of X, and if I didn't have NS, I would have been in N by now in preparation for next month's start date. As if I needed added help, the duration of NS ensures that I have 2 shots and needing just a kill. And as always, I need all the help I can get, because alone, I am weak. I thank him again. Profusely. For these coming years and for the past 17 years.

I am thankful.

Despite my busted relations at every school I've left, I still have a great friend in Ms Erica Yap.

Despite my lack of strength, my team always boosts me, dragging me across the line all the time.

Despite all my flaws and weaknesses (which I gurantee are not short in supply), I have a relatively good standing among others (even though I repeatedly say I'm not worth it)

Despite these "Despites", the gifts I gain from these results tempt me. I have learned, but I fear it's going to be longer journey than that. Alot longer.

Life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river that I wanna keep flowing

On to something else. If you can't understand the above, it's alright. You'll understand it alot more in future, just like when I went to Australia.

I still stand at my position. Unless I need the school to do me something or for the-people-that-I-know's sake, I wouldn't want to step into it and be chased out by the knives sandwiched between words.

Sometimes, I wonder why I have so different a growing up process compared to everybody else. Not the spectacular kind or totally beneficial kind. Just different and lacking. And learning everything in my journey through Secondary school enduring taunts at both orientations, lack of confidence exacerberated the problem and so on. Just exactly why? Why do I feel so different from others when they feel I am part of them or at least closer than what I feel?

It's probably due to everything that is me. not you or any other. Just me.

And I ask myself. Would I want to be just like anybody, fitting in so nicely? I said no. And I don't know why.

The things to think about in the army. Another benefit of NS. Time to think. and thank.

Yes, I thank you.

3 weeks / 21 days / 504 hours / 30240 minutes

2008-01-14T22:30:00.000+08:00

It's exactly 3 weeks on Singapore soil and the first time in a long time I've seen such a thunderstorm.

3 weeks to really decide my future and it's almost set. Now, to put it into action.

3 weeks has also made me see that NJ has pretty much done and dusted with me. Though I'm not done with them yet.

This is also the second school where somebody has labelled me "traitor". It certainly does not want me to remain on the school grounds to "obtain its services". Fair enough.

Besides the people I know, there's really nothing holding me there. And you ask me why I leave.

Why I love Australia. Go look for "the chaser's war on everything"

Where has everything gone?

2008-01-07T17:26:00.000+08:00

It's only 2 weeks and I'm getting disillusioned with this place.

I shan't elaborate. What's the point?

And it isn't anything to do with paying more for chicken rice or enlisting in the army.

It has to do with Death-speration.

"Today I repay my debt"

2008-01-03T21:30:00.000+08:00

Just on new year's day, I was reading what everybody wrote just before I left on the wednesday. Letters of farewell and so on. The day after that, I was utterly disappointed. To tell the truth, I doubt anybody really remembered what they wrote on paper.

Sometimes, I wonder if schoolwork and other commitments really waste our lives away. Only in Singapore, do I see classmates and friends becoming acquiantances and finally strangers after maybe a year or 2. Maybe it's just me. But it's only in Singapore do I experience the same kind of friendship that Ms Erica Yap offers. It's 2 years and counting and she didn't even teach me.

That said, I also remember that I reneged on my promise to give xinyuan a birthday card last year in return for her birthday card the year before. Which proves once again that instead of critisizing, it's a friendly reminder for myself.

Went for that NAPFA test on wednesday which I failed miserably and so, I will continue to haunt them by turning up every week till I pass NAPFA. And I might, just might.

A short trip on the 157 got me to my alma mater and like all alma maters are to me, it was a little warmer than warm reception. The office which kindly screws up my CCA records. Mrs Tan who kindly proceeds to chide me for leaving without saying goodbye and interrogate me as to the push and pull factors regarding my ignominous exit. My cousin who goes," Hi, I'm your cousin, Juliana". Of course there were countless reactions from many people, most of whom have no idea what to say and do as if they had an imaginary leash. Freedom was good when it existed.

The moment I stepped onto this soil, it wasn't just the heat and humidity weighing me down. Things that can and cannot be done all weigh down on me. Things that needed to be done.

No matter what, I'll still go through, it's a debt. 2 years or 3 years. They can stuff me up, but I'll still walk out alive because I trust in a higher authority.

I will pay unto caeser what I owe unto caeser. Because Caeser is subject to somebody else. Beyond that, I'll not look back and turn into salt.

Today, I repay my debt. Maybe not today, but I will soon.

Back to where it all began

2007-12-27T21:59:00.000+08:00

I'm in Singapore and for good before University (for any others who haven't asked and want to ask and also, that includes NS so min 2 years). I came back on the 24th of December, Christmas eve, on a Qantas jet which stuffed up their inflight entertainment.

I should, however, count myself lucky to be on the plane. One, my check in baggage exceeds by 4 kg despite having a 30 kg allowance. Two, my carry in luggage was at least 12 kg. (max is 7kg) Somehow, on my own and that invisible power helping me, I got through to the plane, only losing 2 protractors (those thingys used for circle drawing) to checks.

While one may think it isn't so big deal to carry in extra baggage, Perth has quite strict personnel, weighing every baggage. Luckily for me, after being refused entry once, the second time, with a different person, he let me go with 9.something kg minus the laptop bag which weighed at least 3kg. I thank God for that.

It was my last chance to be an unaccompanied minor and I forgone it for a smoother easier ride home. What I gained was a super senior of my secondary school sitting between me and teh window and a swedish family on the MRT home without troubling my father to come across teh island just to pick me up.

That senior of mine is exactly 10 years older from Commonwealth Sec. That was a great coincidence. I would think that if her boyfriend didn't leave her to take a plane to Singapore herself, I wouldn't have such an easy time talking and enjoying my flight. For those who are beginning to think dirty, the fact that I didn't bother to get her name until the baggage collection belt proves otherwise. Also, I'm not inclined to speak of the topics touched on.

Then by some manouvring, I got to terminal 2 via skytrain and down to the train platform with 45kg of baggage. Met a Swedish guy wanting directions on teh MRT going to a hotel on victoria street in city hall. By pure coincidence, he was en route to Adelaide, a place I was at just 6 days ago. He was planning to go to Kangaroo island and pass the ocean all the way to cairns. Real scenic if it wasn't for a burnt kangaroo island.

With christmas crowds streaming in at every station, I was lucky to have a seat before I eventually reached home without much more fanfare. I would think it was eventful enough with my housekeeping in the morning, meeting the pick up bus and airport problems and so I am thankful.

It is however with a great longing for Perth when I left which still bugs me. Even today. Whether it be 44 degrees or 10 degrees, I still miss it.

What's all this hectic rush and worry?
Where go these crowds who run and curry?
Why all the lights -- the Christmas trees?
The jolly "fat man," tell me please!

Why, don't you know? This is the day
For parties and for fun and play;
Why this is Christmas!
So this is Christmas, do you say?

But where is Christ this Christmas day?
Has He been lost among the throng?
His voice drowned out by empty song?
No. He's not here -- you'll find Him where

Some humble soul now kneels in prayer,
Who knows the Christ of Christmas.
But see the many aimless thousands
Who gather on this Christmas Day,

Whose hearts have never yet been opened,
Or said to Him, "Come in to stay."
In countless homes the candles burning,
In countless hearts expectant yearning

For gifts and presents, food and fun,
And laughter till the day is done.
But not a tear of grief or sorrow
For Him so poor He had to borrow

A crib, a colt, a boat, a bed
Where He could lay His weary head.
I'm tired of all this empty celebration,
Of feasting, drinking, recreation;

I'll go instead to Calvary.
And there I'll kneel with those who know
The meaning of that manger low,
And find the Christ -- this Christmas.

I leap by faith across the years
To that great day when He appears
The second time, to rule and reign,
To end all sorrow, death, and pain.

In endless bliss we then shall dwell
With Him who saved our souls from hell,

And worship Christ -- not Christmas!

To think christmas arised partially from yule which is a pagan festival...

White (Hot) Christmas

2007-12-22T19:58:00.000+08:00

I'm so glad I won't be in Perth for Christmas. Seriously, I can't imagine a Christmas with a maximum temperature of 38 degrees C.

Army beckons.

Before that, I'll have to find my way to the airport and thanks to Transperth, I have no bus to the international terminal. Then I'll experience really crowded trains on the way home and a hot and humid Singapore. I really hope I make the 5000km trip in one piece.

But now, I realise I have free transport tomorrow thanks to the opening of the new Perth Mandurah railway. An early Christmas present.

My last fullday in perth tomorrow. I'll make it count.

Adelaide

2007-12-17T16:48:00.000+08:00

I'm in adelaide, 1.5 hrs ahead of Perth and 2.5 hrs ahead of Singapore

It's amazing how a month can pass so fast. Melbourne, Canberra, Adelaide. Yet, it is only a small part of this world.

While it is unlikely to change my mannerisms and accent(contrary to many popular beliefs), it has allowed me to meet french, germans, half-dutch germans, South-african-born-canadians, burundians, columbians, spanish, chinese, americans who speak mandarin, kiwis, Brits and some weird places. All these while living a block away from a lesbian senator who is now climate change minister.

I attended a seventh day adventist church for the first time last saturday and I would say it doesn't seem astray of the bible because truth be told saturday is the seventh day of the week. Really fun group of people there and some interesting people like a person who is of irish father, filipino mother and grew up in NT before finishing high school in a lead contaminated port of 14,000 people.

It is such relationships with others and the adventurism that can be gotten from travel that makes my travels worth it. If I had gone to Perth purely for study, it would be a total waste of time and money. I meet more people and make more friends. Even though they are unlikely to remember me after such a short stint, it still allows me to feel fulfilled and contented just being able to know them.

On MSN, elaine describes NJC as ultra boring. Just imagine, comparatively, Singaporeans have friends in Singapore and in terms of facilities, Singapore far outstrips most Australian Cities. I only see backpackers file in and out almost everyday, flying to sydney melbourne canberra perth darwin alice springs and so on. It seems to me that only the culture and people make the difference.

Some may differ from me and I don't blame them, I'm neither an expert nor a knowledgeable person.

On another note, there are enough girls here to make terence and company go crazy. From brazilians to australians to europeans and americans, it's your typical blonde chick. Even in the botanic gardens, some strip to their bikinis and go tan themselves which I personally think is not worth the skin cancer. However, their really excessive compulsive shopping disorder does take the beauty out of it and the moment words fly out, you realise who and what they are.

Still, I'm pretty sure Wei Liang would get his fill together with his 2 cents worth.

For me, I believe I'm going to get a rap for this and for one that's going to enlist for useless repetitions of drills, I suppose it ain't so bad.

I'm savouring my last night in adelaide, now. While Perth is where I'm most familiar, having been there since age 7, I've a feeling I prefer to live in adelaide. It's another 10 years before anything can really be finalised and by them the world is a very different place. It's the playground of the Y generation, the ostreae.

After the most (un)livable city in the world

2007-12-03T15:14:00.000+08:00

Greetings from the capital of Australia

I'm lovin' it.

The American came to town and said,
"Your cows are small
In Texas, we have buffaloes.
In Texas, our buses are as big as your trains"

He went to the countryside and pointed to that kangaroo
"What is that?"

The Australian said,
"That is our grasshopper"

And There Will Be Chariots of Fire

2007-11-14T21:25:00.000+08:00

Last exam of my life before university is on Friday

Physics is da bomb

After that, I've got,

Letter to Andrew
Bookselling
Clearance
Planning

as well as

Freo exploration
Arts Festivals
Hopman cup if possible
Perth Zoo

and many more
The journey's only beginning when it's at the end

Back to the future

2007-10-28T15:02:00.000+08:00

Today is the day without 12 am
Journeying to another timezone is one feeling
Waiting for the timezone to change at one spot is another.
Daylight saving is so fun

Problem is I have one hour less of mugging

I have Chemistry on friday,

Applicable Mathematics on Tuesday
Economics on Wednesday
English on Thursday
Calculus on Friday

Space a week and Physics comes on a Friday
and voila! holidays

ok not yet

There's NAPFA to do and
Swimming improvements

good fun to go. NS.

nolite te bastardes coborundorum

Sat Is Faction

2007-10-27T00:19:00.000+08:00

Satisfaction doesn't come from success yet it breeds success. Surprisingly, this 2 ideas seem to be the one and the same.

Sure I would have loved those awards but then I suppose it is a definition of success and satisfaction that would drive a mortal insane.

One year, second place at everything. Different outlooks, Different people, Different environment. Success? It is yet it isn't until I can find that satisfaction of it within me.

If anyone knew me, they would know it is something that should have been done and I want to but my character sucks me right back in. Amazing what society does to you.

I am 70% satisfied, now I'm targeting that 30%. Some place else, I'll still be running that turnwheel without end.

For we are young and free
We've golden soil and wealth for toil
Our home is girt by sea
Our land's abound with nature's gifts, of beauty rich and rare
In History's page, Let every stage,

Fill in the missing lines

2007-10-08T01:43:00.000+08:00

7 months and 16 days.

BBC shows are way better than crap American shows. Tell me again why we never ever get to watch it?

Global warming. Little interesting idea that gets all the buzz. What’s the fuss? Yes, I mean it. What’s the fuss? Simply because spices are being added to meat gone bad.

We aren’t fazed, are we? This “apocalyptic meteor storm each with a power of an atomic bomb”. Go on and talk about reducing light wastage by turning off the lights, switching to fluorescent tubes (and increase risk (10^-x where x tends to infinity) of being a mutant), shower with less hot water, do this, do that and so on.

And yet the menace of cars. The very thing that doubles your emissions easily. No matter how efficient it is, it still produces more carbon than not using it at all. How efficient can it ever be? 90% max.

Even at 100%, 22.41 L of CO2 is already formed if a mole of methane is used to achieve a maximum theoretical 160 km/h (assume car 1000kg, methane yields 1000kJ, both estimates are more than actual values I think, makes them more fair). Whatever the case, friction, air drag, headlamps, air conditioner and CD player power usage has not been included. If all was added in, max speed 60-80? No idea but sounds plausible to me. It doesn’t matter, electricity, gas, petrol, diesel, they do the same stupid stuff, why can’t anybody think of that?

Slave to that hulk of a metal. Is robots, servants and being couch potatoes the future of being human? Why must a car be used to travel? To the footy, to the mall to buy a chook, to church, to school? Luxury? That isn’t human. In making slaves of others, the master is enslaved.

The spice covers the bad meat. The paint covers rotten woodwork. So does insignificant suggestions cover the humungous flaw.

It’s a joke.

Supermenace 2: the weather
“Today in weather, tsunami is expected for Perth, atomic bombs in Sydney and Brisbane, meteor storm in Melbourne and an apocalypse in Hobart.”

Meanwhile, I’m back again with an entry at 12.30 am in this amalgamated post. Geelong won by a large margin which is always bad news. Also, I’ve decided to become quite sticky with this National Service rubbish.

“Life’s Short and you’re hot” Heard that somewhere but the main point is the “life’s short”. I wonder what I can learn in 2 years in an army. I’m a hopeless killer and I’ll never pull a trigger at another knowingly. There are so many things that can be experienced here but I can’t do it because of stinking NS. Can’t get to Myer, Coles, Woolworths or be lawyer or teaching assistants. And after 2 stinking years, I have to dig up some opportunity that this stinking stint made me lose.

It’s one thing not to try and move your life in the direction that you wish. It’s another when somebody stops you from pursuing dreams. No amount of clichés and rationalizations can hide the fact that my life is being spent on useless activities.

I can visualize what some will say and I’ll most probably be condemned for thinking this way. Patriotism is a politician’s word, for a politician’s purpose. When forefathers migrated here, they are said to be the pinnacle of loyalty to Singapore. When anybody migrates and display loyalty to others, they are “quitters”, Traitors. If that is so, we are all traitors, our forefathers are all traitors since they left china and India and displayed loyalty to a little red dot.
More indignation on some people’s part I suppose. And I have no idea why I can only see indignation on certain females’ faces. I can think of a couple but none of them are male. I wonder why. Maybe because you guys are fair dinkum winges.

But I'm lucky. Everything goes my way even when they seem not to. No prizes for guessing who I attribute it to. Anybody have recording of The Beu Sisters - Anytime You need A Friend?

A new beginning next year and 3 years later. I'll be back.

2007-08-22T14:53:00.000+08:00

Another day, another birthday. 17 years and lots of changes. Primary school, Secondary school, Junior College. It changed me, for better or for worse.

Soccer again and did I mention my toe still hurt from 2 months ago? Some African foot that must have been, now I can’t clear a ball properly. Whatever the case, my team still won so I’m happy. Even happier that I didn’t let in a goal till I became goalkeeper and my whole team was across the halfway line. Another curious thing: I got fouled by a girl.

That was the good part. Bad parts include insults and negative comments which made it just another day.

I didn’t start off the morning particularly well, almost late and all with trouble with my school shorts. The whole day was like another day because it was another day. Just that I felt a lot more generous than usual.

Then came calculus and wasted quite a bit of time eating and talking about tropical fruits. (yes, my class is random) Dragon fruit, durian, lychee, longan, mangosteen, jackfruit, rambutan etc. Some guy tried to get everybody to sing birthday song for me. Apparently he wasn’t any good at cheerleading. He didn’t even get the attention of anybody. He finally got attention when I said it was my birthday when somebody asked me how to do some parametric stuff. That was sad, having to hint its your birthday for anybody to notice. How interesting. Even more interesting was that people react almost the same way as what NJC would do.

Forgot to return books again and got caught in the rain. Some birthday. Finished 2 essays and physics practical. SOME birthday. Had to cook for myself because my brother didn’t cook again. SOME REALLY GREAT Birthday.

Yet, it would only be fair that I appreciate that my parents remembered for the first time in 17 years. I’m apathetic towards birthdays yet concerned. Interesting. Wonder why it means so much to me.

Whatever the case, I’m just happy I’m alive and able to run, walk, swim, blow an instrument, great mind and with a roof over me. There’s only somebody I can thank for that.

P.S I purposely sent my address so late because you aren’t meant to send me anything.

I get wings to fly, I'm alive

2007-07-14T15:02:00.000+08:00

Perth's boring, Singapore's better
For me, it's the other way around.

I wonder, how many of us are really prepared for the world, to cook, wash, work, look after partners etc.? And yet, we think of partners way before everything else.

"Those that have nothing to live for,
Invent something to die for."

It's a poem written eons ago. Relevant?

I doubt anybody reads this anymore. My email is flooded with PW surveys which I find interesting. I always find it hard to ask a favour of someone I've lost contact with yet here it is tons of people asking me to do surveys and it seems they were a distant memory.

Singapore rejected me for research, subconciously, there's still that grudge. I maybe could never rid myself of that if I tried. Interestingly, CSIRO would give me a chance at it. My country abandons me and somebody accepts me. On a research institute which gives attention to livesock and farms. Not a research institute which shows an utter disdain for nature and ignorance of botany with dead vegetation surrounding the lift.

I can see elaine countering every point I make. I can also see Lenin countering every point western democracy made. Ultimately, the result showed something to be worse than another. Whether the idea was worse of, is still questionable.

In a foreign land I live my life, I begin to listen to teh mr brown show not just for entertainment but also for news. What is it that Channelnewsasia puts up that isn't altered?

Is it the economy that is the most important? Geographers state, political, social, economic, etc. Singapore is in shambles except for the economy.

The last time I bought rice, there was a chinese man who was obviously from China, and when I said I was singaporean, he said he held a singapore passport and lived in dover. He was obnoxious in every aspect and it makes me hate that red book on my desk even more. Foreign talent to foreign disgrace. He tries to associate with me, but he makes me want to dissociate from him.

Protests, strikes, walkouts. They're all part of a free market economy. Where are they now? Willing and able to work. It makes the work place environment drab. You see the smiles on people about here. Sure they have lots of creditors but they sure are happy. At work, at play, at home. I can't find the difference.

The Grass on the other side is always greener

2007-04-27T22:35:00.000+08:00

I don’t know if it is a real decoy or just a pure coincidence. Guzheng gets gold with honours and Track & Field meet gets converted into a relay-only event.

Is somebody trying to tell me that I missed out on an outstanding portfolio in Singapore and enjoyment at racing in relays, helping Aqua win something for the first time? Rather than rue such stuff which I am only kidding myself if I said were not important, I should look on some stuff that I gained over here.

Independence. I do everything here; I left everything to be done at home to my parents.

Semblance of order in life. Rather than the way I was feeling in Singapore, sleeping late and playing computer games more than studying or working on anything. Here, I do know what I am going to do everyday. It gives me a routine.

New environment. Why think Singaporean when it gets you nowhere? You find that out when you interact with somebody over here. While most Australians are friendly, they tend be more clique-ish, maybe cause I’m yellowed skinned and not very good-looking, and also because they know others for many more months and years. I don’t know how it is imbued in them but I feel they have a stronger value system. If I asked a friend to look after stuff at the bus stop in Singapore, I would be expecting that friend to be gone at the first sight of the correct bus. Here, I asked a stranger to help me look after and even though she told me it would only be 6 minutes till the next bus comes, she kept vigil till she almost missed her bus. Here, they few a great many other stuff differently.

New perspectives. You see a whole new side of Singapore. ‘Nuff said.

New attitudes. In spending as well as working and BGR and studies. Unlike me, they wouldn’t stinge. They are expected to work and nobody finds it embarrassing. If the school had a couple, nobody spreads rumours, talks and be extremely interested in it. Maybe it’s because they have lots or maybe because they believe in keeping such things private. Studies are for dual purposes: to have fun and to gain entrance to Universities.

New people. You meet people whose parents are Singaporean or Malaysian, yet can’t speak mandarin or dialect and have totally different attitudes towards a great number of stuff. A 7am to 7pm day at school is inconceivable and they haven’t even heard of capital punishment (because Australia abolished it in 1967). They aren’t afraid to ring up MPs in the night if they feel there is a societal problem and it is the job of the council to deal with it. In Singapore, the MPs don’t serve you, you serve them. Eg. You beg them to write letters for you and they’ll “try”. Here, they better do, not try otherwise they lose their job.

It may seem a long list of laurels for Australia, but they have their fair share of cons too. Dry weather and cold wind enable you to be frozen and lose lots of muscle mass. Dryness cause your throat to burn when you run. No prizes for guessing how fit I am now. They have a very high price for a lot of stuff. This even prompts some Malaysians to proclaim that the four bucks used to buy 5 sushi could buy 12 Ramly burgers in Malaysia.

They are clique-ish group-ish whatever, coupled with my substandard social skills, it enables me to be quite lonely nowadays. Of course, I could rationalize that I am learning to be lonely but truth is, I hate to be lonely. My irritating style, comments and all, don’t you see they’re geared for attention seeking?

So you see, it’s not all good. Yeah, maybe I’m topping certain subjects but compared to real standards, I’m nothing short of ordinary. Yet again, I feel that this system allows everybody to pursue what they really like unless you have certain university course in mind. Music, political, legal, physical education studies, you name it, they have it. What especially riles me is that I am deprived of learning another language and here any Tom Dick and Harry could choose to do it. They waste my youth and now I’ve got to do it the hard way. It just is horrible to think that another 2 years of youth is being taken away soon.

This country uses you, takes your youth, milks you, and milk you dry too. When you are passed your use by date, you end up on the streets. They want productive adults. They wouldn’t care for the welfare of the young and old. Maybe you think otherwise. Maybe you’ll find out soon enough. Maybe I misunderstood the responsibilities of a nation and that of a citizen.

Maybe the contract has been broken.

Shake the dust of my sandals

2007-04-13T22:28:00.000+08:00

I would rather pay taxes to potentially help people (and others who don't bother to work) in the form of welfare rather than 600,000 + 94 (1300) + (other increases) dollars to white horses.

And if you were that magnanimous, you would freeze your pay until youir next PayMaster comes in. You would also take a pay cut because we all know we don't need to be obscenely rich to have a good life. Ostentatous display of charity, it was.

Shake the dust of my sandals

The Reason

2007-04-11T01:03:00.000+08:00

I'm ashamed to say I can't speak my national language and hate my countrymen including myself.

Why does Pasadena always have a knack of playing at moments like this?

Reading blogs of many, I gathered the things I have missed and the things I would have missed. Seriously, I gave up lots of things. So now, you would think I'm regretting.

Truth is, I don't. I regret what I gave up but then don't we always do that and never see the other side? It's complicated but I wouldn't want to sacrifice my soul for the world. That is partially my reason for leaving. If you get it, tell me. Because I'm unclear of it too.

"If you don't ask, you don't get lies"

Random:

Subiaco Stadium can beat old trafford

If Jason Ho could shut up, the world would be at peace

The only athletics track here is one used by the athletes of the 1962 commonwealth games.

Come On, Let's Go

2007-04-01T22:27:00.000+08:00

"Just when I thought I was out of it, they pulled me straight back in"

One little pesky red and white demon can't leave me alone, it can't stop pestering my brother or me or my father or my mother. It's even worse than that mosquito this autumn's day.

It gave me coins of chocolate and dangled salmon in front of me and robbed me of jewels and pearls and forced me to vomit out the chocolate and salmon.

It gave my brother leave to leave his kingdom only to start questioning his whereabouts 3 years later.

It gives my father and mother great anguish that they are kept in his kingdom behind walls of fire and seeing their children coerced, compounded by his terrible laughter.

My brother and I will love the kingdom of fire regardless of its temperature but will never bow to that reddish white demon who masquerades as the saviour, the light, the One.

Come On, Let's Go

Well, come on let's go, let's go, let's go, little darling
And tell me that you'll never leave me
Come on let's go and do it again

Well now swing me, swing me, all the way down there
Come on let's go little darling
Come on let's go again once more

Well, now I love you so and I'll never let you go
Come on Baby, so, oh, pretty baby I love you so

Well come on let's go, let's go, let's go, little darling
And tell me we'll always be together
Come on let's go again and do it again

Well, now I love you so and I'll never let you go
Come on Baby, so, oh, pretty baby I love you so

Well, let's go, let's go, let's go little sweetheart
And tell me we'll always dance together
Come on let's go and do it again

P.S Sarah, I haven't forgotten. Your mail will come soon, my holiday's coming in 4 days so I'll write a real good one.

One month later

2007-03-22T19:19:00.000+08:00

My greatest mistake after coming here was to be dragged behind by what I was.
What I was in Singapore.
I just realise that I'm like a caged bird which doesn't want to fly out of those open cage doors.

Forget Singapore. That's the way to go.

I realise that I don't have to be that runner. or that Saxophone player. or that top student. or that soccer defender.

See you mate. Nice knowing you. Come back in a year's time. and die when I want you to.

Claremont here I come. As part of Churchlands. It's friday night fever for the nerds.

Cambridge

2007-03-17T07:23:00.000+08:00

Red is the cloud that brought me here
Red is colour in my veins
Red has forsaketh me
So too will I forsake thee

There is only one thing I'm struggling to understand. We have multi million dollar schools and still feel unsatisfied. These guys have brick walls one storey high and container classrooms but still go about their stuff happily. They would rather have fields larger than their school than have bigger and taller school buildings. They have lots of public fields whose grass they bother to cut(they treat it as a service to residents) and their city councils are really servants to teh community. They're proud of the area they live in what are we proud of? Their transport company would rather just recoup cost and operate so as to give customers great service (and they do!) while we have multimillion dollar profit making companies who still insists on increasing prices. Most people are friendly and some unknown guy would stop along the corridor asking me "How's it going?". We think that guy's crazy. It's hard to go around without seeing a smile a day.

I'm not complaining about why we shouldn't feel unsatisfied simply because someone else is having worse stuff. I'm saying that there is an element which makes us unsatisfied and I wonder what that element is. One thing I know though, I have no pride because there is no continuity in the community. (exempli gratia, my schools(meaning the building) have all disappeared within 5 years of me leaving the school, the trees are cut and all, it's no more the same Bukit Batok)

I also find it amazing that Lee and Lee looks at GDP and not GDP per capita which is more reflective of standard of living. Why don't we also look at productivity? By this, I ain't talking about working longer and harder. I'm talking about maximising output for the same amount of input (labour land capital entrepreneurship). They work only from 9 to 5 (Some even stops at 4) yet have more output per capita than us. They can get people from belgium, norway, sweden, switzerland, kenya, zambia and a dozen other countries who would want to stay here permanently and willingly and they don't need to give PRs and citizenships so freely.

Australia is definitely worse of in terms of material but better in society. My mainpoint is not that Australia is better than Singapore. Rather, I'm saying that Singapore could be improved. Alot.

We need more than skyscrapers and buildings. We need society.

Superpositions and Keynesian models

2007-03-03T21:59:00.000+08:00

It’s only a week and a half that I’m here living along Cambridge street. (don’t try to find me, it’s 600 house numbers long) School work’s a mess since I’ve got to catch up four weeks of missed school work on top of learning new stuff. Ah well, I should just be glad that their calculus is a subject any Singapore student could complete in a week and that applicable mathematics is going through univariate data now, otherwise known as statistics. Their English is crazy while economics is quite foreign to me. Physics and Chemistry is just a matter of content coverage because some physics teacher in Singapore would rather do uncertainties and measurements than sound. That’s all I suppose. Another reason why I’m a mess is that I cooked for this whole week and so time was extremely tight. I’m quite ashamed to say I had to pass cooking duties back to my brother.

The school is almost like an international school, having lots of Malaysians, South Koreans, Indians, Europeans who are born in Japan and the like and who hold dual citizenship. Singaporeans are quite a few too. I think the most familiar is Isaiah since he was from ACS(I) rugby and knows Wei Liang. There’s also some ACJS guy who remembers Colin and Ernest.

School starts at 9 am and ends at 340 pm, quite slack considering Wednesday the special day, we get to go off early. Also on that special day, we have ballroom dancing which looks a lot like mass dance (Summer Loving) in a circle. Those sure hate dancing with ugly built Asians like me. Heh.

Temperature’s been dropping and it’s getting colder which is well……cool. Also, I can’t wait for daylight saving to end since it always pushes times so late. In the meantime, I just got to push everything ahead by an hour and go online on MSN at 8pm 9pm Singapore time.

Now, it goes back to a week ago. I’m thankful for all the send offs and all but have you ever thought of standing in my shoes? Everybody goes against your wishes and tells the whole college about it and acts specially towards you when you haven’t been in their minds for the past 104 weeks. Not that it really matters. What I had wanted was to leave quietly, no big hoo-ha, people treating me like they would always did because that’s…..well, them. Why the facade? Of course, I know most are genuine, but special treatment on the last day is just plain stupid and dumb. Especially when there were a couple of hundred days to do that before. Why did I not want to eat that plate of chicken cutlet at first? Not because of modesty. Because I was thinking of the times cheapskate and the like were used to describe me. The times I would eat and would be left alone sitting there and eating save maybe at times Ben or somebody would wait. So if you were talking about a sort of comaradie and spirit then I would advise to stop wasting your time on such a foolish idea because there was no such thing. And if you really considered me as a extremely good defender, then I would have been playing in every tournament you signed up for which obviously wasn’t the case. Not that I hold grudge, I’m just remarking on how full of holes some statements can be.

At first only one person knew, then 5 others knew since I was involved in their projects. One of those five told Jeremy and the whole IP knew. I never told my cousin so do you think I really wanted you people to know? About that little stunt in the econs lecture, I was actually very unhappy but I didn’t really want to say it seeing that it would have spoiled your excitement. But really, it wasn’t a day for me to remember except that there were so many irritating questions (eg. Jo Lynn in that physics class) and that there had to be so much fanfare.

This is just my opinion, so since you know me, don’t waste time on what I see as meaningless things. Though I must add that not all were meaningless to me, some really are very meaningful. And to whoever you people think you are, thanks.
I’m sort of wondering how Guzheng is now. Even though I was 60 percent sure I wasn’t fast

It's a long way to Tipperary

2007-02-16T11:56:00.000+08:00

Things change, People change

How ironic, I'm typing this in terence's house and after the last class event that I'll ever attend.

And I'm Msning with Steffi which the whole class knows about now. Big deal who cares.

And I've also sent out what I ever wanted to send out, which is tough for me.

When wednesday's over, I'll be so relieved and yet stressed, but less stressed than if I stayed.

I can't stand Singapore and it's bloody education system, scholarships schools everything. Switch focus to other stuff like CCA? Screws up the CCAs, makes everybody focus on getting results purely and there's no passion for teaching and learning. Means that meeting people such as Lyoe, Aidil, Colby, Hui Ee are rarer and rarer. I hate it.

I hope for the better tomorrow that I'm seeking. I hope.

Though, I must admit Singapore ain't all bad. Just take a look at my friendster testimonials, present to long past. Every single one of them brought with it a memory long past. How people viewed me as smart and good in saxophone playing and how bad I was a few months before that. Then fast forward to now, and see how differently people viewed me. It's amazing yet alarming.

Then, the music on this very workstation stirs me up. Especially the band music. Eagle Bend, the piece Lyoe forced me to play the oboe solo cue, Pasadena, the piece where I was handed the solo in Sec 1 and screwed up 3 times on 3 different stages and still, nobody killed me, Can-can, the first piece I played, Beauty and the Beast, the piece Lyoe used to try to help me improve my sight reading, Tokyo Kosei Wind Orchestra, the band Lyoe introduced me to in a bid to improve my rhythm, Seventh Night of July, the SYF piece which I never played in SCH, Singapore Rhapsody, the set piece which I played till my lips had ulcers all over it.

Add to that the many pieces of music involving NJC symphonic band, it was indeed a beautiful world of music which I forced open the door just to get in. Samuel, Vanessa, Kirby, Ching Tong, Wang Zi, Joanne, Alex and Craig. Sort of regret letting them down because I couldn't control my emotions.

On friendships made here, well, I don't have many. Just acquaintances. And they remember me for? Being smart and running fast. Otherwise it'll be because I'm in the same school and class, stingy, miserly, poor, cheapskate, horrible at whatever computer games etc. Of course, my behaviour and personality is taken into account and what they do with it I don't know. Yet, nobody could ever claim to know me. Why? because you think I change my liking for girls as fast as the moon changes it's shape. If you know me, you wouldn't be so enamoured by Steffi. Because, the person I really care about and like is long past your memory and my friendship with Steffi is all you can think about. Next thing I know, I'm being paired up with my cousin. Me answering your questions in "Truth or Dare" was just to act as a bait so that you would be drawn further in, biting hook line and sinker and both me and Steffi were laughing at how assuming people can get when I told her. But I guess you already know who I love and care about so I would not comment more but please, don't disturb her when I'm gone. At least respect my last wishes. If you still are my friend or acquaintance, whatever suits you.

Singapore gave me the chance to be a 9 min runner. Gave me exposure to stage performances. Gave me exposure to bureaucrats. Gave me the chance to learn the Guzheng, Clarinet and Saxophone. Gave me the chance to play chapteh and have real fun at olympiads and competitions. Gave me disillusionment which made me better. Gave me failure which made me want to go against the system. Gave me frustration and roadblocks, forcing me to turn somewhere else. Gave me a hatred for meritocracy and transparency. Ah well.

Thus, it is time to impose my own road block and turn somewhere else. Hope I don't have to turn back and eat the bitter pill.

So till we meet again, good bye.

Up to mighty London came
An Irish lad one day,
All the streets were paved with gold,
So everyone was gay!
Singing songs of Piccadilly,
Strand, and Leicester Square,
'Til Paddy got excited and
He shouted to them there:

It's a long way to Tipperary,
It's a long way to go.
It's a long way to Tipperary
To the sweetest girl I know!
Goodbye Piccadilly,
Farewell Leicester Square!
It's a long long way to Tipperary,
But my heart's right there.

Paddy wrote a letter
To his Irish Molly O',
Saying, "Should you not receive it,
Write and let me know!
If I make mistakes in "spelling",
Molly dear", said he,
"Remember it's the pen, that's bad,
Don't lay the blame on me".

It's a long way to Tipperary,
It's a long way to go.
It's a long way to Tipperary
To the sweetest girl I know!
Goodbye Piccadilly,
Farewell Leicester Square,
It's a long long way to Tipperary,
But my heart's right there.

Molly wrote a neat reply
To Irish Paddy O',
Saying, "Mike Maloney wants
To marry me, and so
Leave the Strand and Piccadilly,
Or you'll be to blame,
For love has fairly drove me silly,
Hoping you're the same!"

It's a long way to Tipperary,
It's a long way to go.
It's a long way to Tipperary
To the sweetest girl I know!
Goodbye Piccadilly,
Farewell Leicester Square,
It's a long long way to Tipperary,
But my heart's right there.

Start of Something New

2007-02-08T22:42:00.000+08:00

It's thursday, 08 feb 2007

Guzheng is fun, just that I'm a little slow in learning, just as I expected. People have jumped up and down and so they will carry on doing that. They'll carry on rushing me if that gets them an SYF award and I don't blame them. Because I think I did that alot of times before and would still do that now.

I expected this kind of treatment in Sec one when I couldn't read the slightest bit of notes or tell the difference between a minim and a demisemiquaver. Instead, I got so many great seniors who guided me as if I were their child, their infant. Right now, I guess I got to learn to handle such stresses. And still do my stuff. Either I do it or fail trying. Either way, I won because I learnt something new and I braved through harder times. It's the start of something new and I'll start it well.

For those who really want to know, my cousin is in NJC and she is here to stay since she's a DSA student. Her name's Juliana, in the same house (Aqua) as me, 07S21, same surname, BCME, and what else do you want to know? Okay and stop asking me about why I don't talk to her much. Partially because of the issues between our parents and partially also because we haven't talked a word since 2 or 3 years ago.

Now it's saturday 10th feb

I haven't found any time to practice the guzheng thanks to the visit to the Parliament and dialogue session with Gan Kim Yong which was personally a nightmare for me. Can I don't go for SYF? I'm afraid at this rate, I'll have minimal time to practice at all. Just hope Andrew's guzheng is available.

My O level Chinese result belongs to the rubbish bin since a B4 is all I got. I know it's good for some, bad for some, but the thing is, anything less than an A2 is a shit result. Passing is not a consolation, the fact that I had done my best is. While people whine about the D7 they got for their second subject, I just recount the events leading to this B4, the winds of change, the anguish felt and tears shed such that the tears that I shed at home yesterday are just like a drop of water in the ocean. From a mediocre PSLE score to a mediocre school to a mediocre grade spanning 4 years in 3 different classes, 100 different classmates, 4 different chinese teachers, it's all ended with that subject and grade on a piece of paper. No third language which I always wanted to take and no Chinese which I never wanted to take in the first place. All I saw was Higher Chinese, and that's an achievement in itself. The end of something old.

Sapphire Scholars Programme is not a programme that you think it is. The exposure gained is vital but then again, if you don't take it well, it's wasted. Take for example, that Dialogue Session with Gan Kim Yong which I seriously screwed up. If you don't talked, it's wasted. If you talked crap like me when I had not formulate my thoughts properly, it's wasted. So unless, I improve dramatically on quick thought processing, future sessions are wasted on me. It always seems lucrative to be on a scholars' programme but it's so foolish of you people to go in without knowing what it is and just purely complaining about unfairness. I know it's unfair but that I do hope you know what you want so badly.

I suppose the thing which I treasure the most yesterday is that Mr Lim actually still want to keeps me in Track and Field even though I told him of the foot problem I had and changing a CCA at this time isn't much of a problem.

I think I'm too self-centred at times and that should change. And I've got to stop helping people so much if it proves too much of a distraction. And if I make it anywhere in Guzheng, I believe I should make the effort of drilling the philosophy of team and that the ensemble is only as strong as it's weakest player. It's ridiculous to undermine somebody's ability if somebody's ability is just that. That's just how I feel, because that's how I was taught, and not to make an ensemble just a gathering of talented individuals.

Like I said, everything's just starting and it's definitely the start of something new.

Living in my own world
Didn't understand
That anything can happen
When you take a chance
I never believed in
What I couldn't see
I never opened my heart
To all the possibilities
I know that something has changed
Never felt this way
And right here tonight

This could be the start
Of something new
It feels so right
To be here with you
And now looking in your eyes
I feel in my heart
The start of something new

Now who'd of ever thought that
We'd both be here tonight
And the world looks so much brighter
With you by my side
I know that something has changed
Never felt this way
I know it for real

This could be the start
Of something new
It feels so right
To be here with you
And now looking in your eyes
I feel in my heart
The start of something new

I never knew that it could happen
Till it happened to me
I didn't know it before
But now it's easy to see

It's a start
Of something new
It feels so right
To be here with you
And now looking in your eyes
I feel in my heart

That it's the start
Of something new
It feels so right
To be here with you
And now looking in your eyes
I feel in my heart
The start of something new
Start of something new

February

2007-02-03T21:14:00.000+08:00

I just love 07S03

Feedback session, first swimming session, Orion, Math talent development programme quiz, Gavel club...so many things this week and it just seems to fall in place so nicely this year.

Firstly, feedback session. On hindsight, I would have liked to raise this:

"Dear sirs, for orientation, I am proud to say that I am the only one who did not purchase the orientation package. When I raised such an objection to purchasing it, a certain teacher tried to convince me in an intimidating sort of way:' You'll feel out of place and live to regret it'. I never bought it and I never felt any more out of place than having the prefix of IP attached compared to the prefix of JC. And for that I thank OG5 for being the best OG that I could ever ask for. The point is, whether JC or IP, I would appreciate that teachers do not use intimidation to stem out and overrule our thoughts and ideas which may be based on firmer principles than any other rationale you may have"

But on the other hand, if I had said that, I would have said goodbye to good maths grades and math talent development programme.

That aside, was my first swimming session with yew seng and co. Whether it was embarrassing or funny, that's for you to decide. I care, but the thing is, I can only improve and compared to track and field, it's the same, the coach doesn't really care about me. Well, at least I have no foot problems if I go there. CCAs considering or already in: Swimming Guzheng Gavel Strategic Games OAC Astronomy Math society Choir. Too bad Shermin, I still love the saxophone, but I don't think the teachers and conductor would take a liking to me.

Orion was great, having some funny white man talk how tarsiers became Yoda. Okay, no, it's actually about primate conservation. And of course, they did an advertisement for USP NUS before the talk proper. NUS and NTU must really be desperate for students such that they'll use such talks as advertisement.

The math quiz was great. Not in the sense where I scored 100 but rather, it grabbed my interest in math back again. In fact, I actually enjoyed it even though I left out the whole last page for the 3rd time in NJC. I suppose math olympiad was the big difference between my near perfect scores in sec 2 and the not-so-perfect scores in sec 1. I really wonder why but I just get turned on when see olympiad questions.

Gavel club was a gaying session between me and erusha. Everybody took it so seriously, it almost seemed it was a morgue. Thanks to us 2 idiots, we made Ly's job as table topics session master so much more enjoyable and easy. The refreshments were cleaned by us 2 and I won the award for being the most vulgar, which I'll try to correct next week, hehe. Overall, it was fun.

Throw in lunch with Joyce, Hui Hui and Steffi, many meetings with the 3 anderson yellow bananas, Mr tay's infatuation over wei ming's girlfriend, Rebecca and her dunno-what's-her-name friend from St nicks who refuses to be separated from her darling rebecca and Kai Mun's scandals, the week just was the best.

And yet, it was the worst. Just like that tuesday last year in august. I was reliving it in my mind, Jiahui and wilbert walking with me and I dropped it. That was after IH elective and I was going for Track and Field. The only thing within me that I was happy about is that I had the steel to recount it. Besides that, nothing really made me rejoice. I wouldn't know what she was thinking in her mind or feeling in her heart and I just wished she wasn't such an enigma and so distant. Especially at this juncture in my life where everything may change tomorrow literally.

Tomorrow will be the day everything changes or everything remains the same. There is no in between, only extremes tomorrow. Tomorrow.

SAA cross country

2007-01-27T22:33:00.000+08:00

Errata: Sarah waits for me. And please pardon me for not answering your call, I forgot to take it.

The day starts off with me having an introducer at the "youth leadership programme" making a super impromptu introduction and me making quite an impromptu speech when it was supposed to be prepared. Well, I still got the best speaker only because there were 3 speakers and one of them didn't make the time.

Lunch at the hillcrest hawker centre ensued without much fanfare.

While walking to the bus stop, I saw Mrs Patsy Kee, my primary 3 form teacher. She now lives at 51 hillcrest road and that's too close for comfort. I remembered she slapped me once before but still, I walked her to the econ minimart and she bought me ice cream. Only at that moment did I regret it, because I had a race and ice cream shouldn't be eaten so near to a race. And try as I may to refuse, it didn't work. So I had to risk it to give her face. Damn, should have went to MacRitchie earlier.

Without any further hitches, I got to MacRitchie on a 74. Since I was an hour early, I found a bench facing the reservoir and started sleeping till 130pm when I went to meet up with jiahui, the 07IP02 girl and Chi Hua. It was only until 2pm that I realised that the race was at 440pm.

The girls ran first and came in as a team 2nd. That Indian IP1 girl came in a freaking 3rd for the under-20 category. Now, for the bad news, Jiahui screwed her knee. That sucks when you're running such a race.

Then the boys ran, all five of us. First time I tried wearing spectacles and a jersey to run. We got nothing since thomas and justin couldn't even break into top 10 and as can be seen, I don't even know my placing with the 3 minutes between me and them. I hope i'm in the top 100 though with a timing of 22:05. RJ and HCI just thrashed everybody very badly.

Thing is, I really doubt myself now. I'm not improving the slightest bit. I'm just slightly better than my Sec 1 standard. My foot problems and asthma ain't helping either. Lynette's question was amazingly relevant: Why did I join Track and Field and not other sports?

It really demoralizes me or rather, makes me think twice about my future here. I'm considering swimming, because my feet aren't affected. And also because, whatever I join now, I'm starting as the worse guy there. So my mind is still open to all suggestions except softball.

Ever since I managed to come good in band, I always believed anything can really be done through hard work. However, I now wonder if physical constraints can restrict me totally. I doubt myself completely.

Now, Justin just said that Mr Irwan said that we need a fourth runner, meaning that he doesn't consider me at all. It really takes it out of me when I try my hardest now. Come wednesday, I will get my answer to my inquiries to other CCAs. And no, no shooting for me even though the trials are on wednesday. Could I make it? If I try hard enough, I will. I just hope that applies for track and field as well.

I Hope. Otherwise, tata.

This year

2007-01-18T18:19:00.000+08:00

The eight metres we got for some ping pong missile thingy was pure luck.

Bad thing is we got only 1 out of 3 eggs intact.

However, I don't think the finals is out of reach. Only because we made it to the finals of Geography Challenge and won 3rd. Because I was down everything for STaR interview and got blasted back by the result. Because I applied for KSA which assassinated me like a real good silent killer.

Nothing is quite unexpected already. The certain becomes the uncertain, the sure are never really sure and the guaranteed are without anything to show for their pains.

That's just the start to 2007, a forecasted-to-be-beautiful year.

Shermin has come up and told me I was welcome to join band AGAIN anytime using the pronoun "we". I wonder who they are. Sorry, but I'm too lazy to continue practising pieces after pieces.

I've also join strategic games club. And I assure you it doesn't affect anything. I told them only wednesdays and fridays are free for me and maybe I could only come for one or none at all. They couldn't say I didn't warn them, I just want them to provide me sparring chess partners whenever I want it and at my own convenience without impeding my other CCA.

I've a race coming up on the 27th and I must get flu now. Damn smart, I'm not even confident of an 18 minute 59 seconds now.

And there's inter house soccer com tomorrow, hope Aqua wins something. I can't play because I've got flu and mr Irwan will personally kill me for skipping his training and playing soccer. And even if I play through the flu, my speed and stamina is still at 20% which basically means taking away my biggest asset in soccer. I'll be watching them though.

I'm trying not to say anything about schoolwork because I want to enjoy my time now. What better time than now when you have a great OG, a new start except for pw, greater independent thought?

And for whoever that anonymous person is, here is my reply.

What I am comparing is 07S03 and 05IP05. And since I am a constant variable, I can be discounted and judgement can be passed. As for looking at myself, I never said I was saintly, only that 07S03 accepts me so much more than 05IP05 ever did, and that includes whatever personality or behavioural flaws I have. And for somebody to be doing admin matters with a teacher till 10 pm is a real rare sight don't you think? Last thing I heard was that there was a class dinner going on concurrently. About my class waiting for me, you seem to know better than me, care to enlighten me? Save for Jeremy, Terence, Xin Yuan and Melody, I don't remember anybody waiting for me except for group work.

In fact, even after friday soccer, if I just sat there, everybody would disappear without so much as a care or concern. Always make me want to stop playing on fridays but somehow I always still stay for soccer. Wonder why.

Orientation

2007-01-13T14:43:00.000+08:00

"Orientation wasn't as impressive as it was in IP1, maybe because 04 wasn't together and we couldn't be all-time-high. But whatever it was, I enjoyed myself. Maybe as we get older, our level of high-ness drops, but seriously, orientation could be MUCH better. "

(Source: Melissa Tee's blog)

I may not be S03 but I was in OG5. The only IP guy which bothered to stay.

I wish I could use the entire paragraph and change 04 to 05, but I can't.

Partly because those 20 0dd people made me feel in one week what I've never felt in the whole of 2 years.

Partly because I'm alot more open and shameless now. I couldn't be bothered if girls hated me for being so outspoken and that I'll never be in a relationship. I couldn't be bothered if IPs think I'm too enthusiastic. I don't care if I lost every bit of respect from peers. I was a new person and it died yesterday.

And contrary to popular belief, I'm not chasing another girl. Not just for the sake of refuting claims, I actually believe that girls spell trouble now.

Ever heard about the poem about a judge and prisoner swapping clothes and the sudden change in how others viewed them?

When I was IP1, I was called gay. Treatment was ....Well, let's just say I'll never forget the Ghosts of Christmas Past.

Now, my OG even waits for me and most of them are willing to dance with me. That's what I treasure them for. That's why I'm willing to cheer for them. That's why I feel I belong there rather than in IP05.

To me, orientation was great and except for the external hunt and first house session, I enjoyed every bit of it. Cheers, Mass Dance, house sessions with my OG, It's the first time it gave me a feeling of real pride in being in any particular group. Best of all, we did cheers because we wanted to, not because of any prodding. Okay, maybe some.

What really amazes me is that they were willing to run to coronation plaza. The nine of them, excluding me. I, of course, mooted the idea, since they just missed a bus and there were many people wanting to board, without expecting them to really do it. But they did it without much objection or quarrel. Which somewhat shocked me.

I wish I could be in their class and join them for lessons but I'll just be contented having known them in a wonderful orientation.

I don't think orientation could have got much better with the exception of components like the external hunt. I think orientation is as fun as we make it to be ourselves and of course, as fun as your OG gets. including OGLs.

07S03

2007-01-09T22:48:00.000+08:00

If orientation isn't fun, it's because we made it boring.
But if you die die still don't want to cheer, like me, then we're quite irrcorrigible.
And really, shouldn't be complaining.

Seldom has anybody waited for me. OG5 did.
They so rock lah.

Maybe they wouldn't be so nice later, but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed.

More worryngly, why do I seemingly get along better with people I've known only for 2 days than people I know for 2 years??? It gets worrying when I think of it.

Anyway, it's orientation, so I hope to have fun tomorrow. Of all places, it must be Pasir Ris. Just hope Steffi, Hwachun and Fu Jian don't pangseh me at JE station tomorrow. The link is hereby broken. I think Steffi's fun and quite good looking. hahax.

One TIn Soldier rides away

2007-01-06T23:20:00.000+08:00

"This is your big day. Are you ready for it? Are we ready for it?"

That's how I started the day.
Track and Field on a horse shit laden race course. 2 rounds. This time I didn't get lost. But I'm real slow. It isn't my physical strength. Just my asthma.

It's funny when I think of it. Only now, I look back and say that maybe swimming was a better sport for me, more natural, less body structural problems, just asthma. But then, if I started swimming any earlier than last year, I know that I would drop out and give it up somehow.And yet, it is a better sport for me and I wished I had started on it earlier.

For those who wants to know why i'm darker, it's because of swimming, so don't ask me anymore.

I psyched myself for today, but the challenges didn't materialise.

Round 2 of tuition teacher war is postponed and my library books were all returned on time without having to rush there at 1159pm.

Instead, I still had a long time a take a slow walk from horses' ghost town home. Weirdly, it was almost relaxing. I'm probably the only one who finds it relaxing. It isn't on a bus I wanted to be on even if my feet soles were aching. It was among the trees and shrubs along the road. I've walked too fast these few years to do anything. I really needed that.

Guess my thoughts.

One Tin Soldier - Coven

Listen, children, to a story
That was written long ago,
'Bout a kingdom on a mountain
And the valley-folk below.

On the mountain was a treasure
Buried deep beneath the stone,
And the valley-people swore
They'd have it for their very own.

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgement day,
On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away.

So the people of the valley
Sent a message up the hill,
Asking for the buried treasure,
Tons of gold for which they'd kill.

Came an answer from the kingdom,
"With our brothers we will share
All the secrets of our mountain,
All the riches buried there."

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgement day,
On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away.

Now the valley cried with anger,
"Mount your horses! Draw your sword!"
And they killed the mountain-people,
So they won their just reward.

Now they stood beside the treasure,
On the mountain, dark and red.
Turned the stone and looked beneath it...
"Peace on Earth" was all it said.

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgement day,
On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away.

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgement day,
On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away.

10th day of christmas, first day of school

2007-01-03T18:33:00.000+08:00

It never fails to amaze me why I would never like to initiate a conversation or even say a simple "Hi!"

Even to people I know. Even if they weren't so close to me.

Let's don't even mention those. Talk about those around me. I don't even talk much.

I went around blogs tagging "See you on Jan 3rd"

Now, I've saw them, no idea whether they saw me and there's not one bit of coversation.

SO, what's the problem with me???

Also, the way I tackled the I-don't-want-to-buy-college-handbook-and-orientation-package problem didn't give a very good response from the councillors. Which means I handled it a tad bad, in my opinion.

Once again, what's the problem with me?

I know this will be weird on the eyes of many. What I fear is that I'll never make it in this world. I feel like I'm an Ashley, not looking on the past but a doubting thomas. Ability is one thing I doubt myself about among many other things.

Just just now, my former Chinese tuition teacher called to ask back the 100 dollars I still owe her. Of course, I added that I would like back the exam papers that she has taken from me. So she asked me if I would not return the 100 dollars if I did not get those papers back. I said yes i would not. And it definitely gave me a new meaning to "hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn". And so now I would have to fight battle no. 2 on saturday 7pm and I can't afford to lose since I've lost battle no. 1. And I've an ally that she never knows about.

It was another classic case of me fouling something up with badly chosen words.

Again, why must I wait till i'm 16 years 4 months 12 days to start learning???
What the hell is wrong with me?

But once again, I have to push it through. "If it's a war Aslan wants, it's a war Aslan shall get"

And so a war it shall be. With my ally's invisible hosts making me insignificant.

If there's one thing I must remember, It's Elisha

7th day of Christmas, New Year's Eve, Hari Raya Haji

2006-12-31T21:56:00.000+08:00

There ain't no point in counting down to a new year.
At least not in 10 different locations in a 699 square kilometre piece of soil.

I guess it's something like cheering and socialising, where there isn't a specific reason for doing it but nevertheless, important in a sense.

If you see the cup of water as half-empty, then maybe you could see that this countdown is only counting away only your life.

But I suppose at this age, with each year, only comes maturity and more freedom.

At 50, maybe each year signifies one less year that breath comes out of your body.

And the only reason I'm saying all of this is because the Community Club opposite has some countdown which doesn't exactly suit my sleeping times and liking. Maybe I'll go re-read gone with the wind while waiting for them to stop.

On another note, my mind's getting super messed up again, evident in my typing of recent posts.

I read what others get and I want them too but then if a secret must be kept till the proper time, it must be kept. I'll have to forgo that and before everyone knows it it'll be done. It's definitely going to be a low key affair. And yet, I do not know why I sort of want it that way and want it the other way at the same time. Maybe it's the thoughts of an immature mind.

谷中百合花

主耶穌是我良友
有主勝得萬有
萬人中救主是我最好靈友
主是谷中百合花
我惟一需要祂
祂能洗淨我
使我聖潔無瑕
悲傷時祂來解憂
患難時祂保佑
一切掛慮全放在主肩頭
主是晨星燦爛光華
是谷中百合花
萬人中救主最美好
我愛祂

主是晨星燦爛光華
是谷中百合花
萬人中救主最美好我愛他
恩主帶走一切憂愁
將我悲傷擔當
當我受試探時他是我力量

主永不把我捨棄
我主何等仁慈
我要忠誠信靠遵行主旨意
有火柱繞我身旁
任遭何事不慌
主賜嗎哪餵養我靈得健壯
那日在天見主面
享受主愛甘甜
有快樂江河長留至永年
主是晨星燦爛光華
是谷中百合花
萬人中救主最美好
我愛祂

主是晨星燦爛光華
是谷中百合花
萬人中救主最美好我愛他
恩主帶走一切憂愁
將我悲傷擔當
當我受試探時他是我力量

5th day of Christmas

2006-12-29T21:05:00.000+08:00

I'm dead beat.

40 laps of freestyle pull, 20 laps of breaststroke kick, 4 laps of freestyle kick in 3 days is enough to kill any sensation in arms of my strength.

add in track and field training in between, which comprises of a 4-lap warm up, 2x5x400m at 1:27, 2x3x300m at 59s and 20min warm down jog, and you have a winning formula which leaves me dead beat.

This is evident in the way I slept from 5pm to 9 pm today. Luckily there's always Kopitiam to rely on 9pm eating stints.

Enough of training news.

On the academic front, I haven't really started on integration which is fine since orientation would be a good time to start. Gone with the Wind, however, was a very good read since there wasn't much American slangs involving double negatives and all.

Besides the language used, I find that it presents unlikely thoughts and ideas for anybody to think of yet these thoughts and ideas are very much of everyday life, at least they are of mine.

I tried to see similarities between me and the characters and I ended up with a list with most of the main characters. Then I realised that I may be starting on the same path as some of them and get the same ends as some of them.

That would indeed be scary.

On the music front, it seems thar I have lots to know still as I only realise now that the sing with the verse "tis the season to be jolly" is titled "Deck the Halls". I can't believe I've played that in the band so many times and still don't know it.

Regardlessof anything, in a few days or weeks, I'll do something nobody would eer guess and it's news I hate bearing too. Not when great people like Dina, Charlene, Jocelyn and Eugene are coming here.

Christmas

2006-12-25T22:38:00.000+08:00

It's Christmas and the sun was shining in the morning

But it's cold. Very cold.

Colder than the deepest depths of the arctic.

And an invisible mirror reflects every ray back to its origin, enough to leave a vacuum which conveys the vile illusion of wamth, brown skin veiling the white frost that is bone.

And yet, there is warmth. From the depths of my heart. The very purpose there is christmas.

Christmas shouldn't just be remembered for its turkeys and truffles. It's something else, something that is my turkey and my hot truffle and my fire in the fireplace that warms me, because it's snowing under my roof.

Merry Christmas

Christmas.................................eve

2006-12-24T17:22:00.000+08:00

This christmas is so different from others. or at least the past 3 years.
For the past three years, I'm either performing christmas carols or practising new year songs.
This year, I get to enjoy hearing them and even though I've only spent last christmas in Hong Kong, it seems eons ago since Christmas was spent in Singapore.

It's also different in the sense that it marked the possibility of never seeing the whole family together again for christmas since 2001.

I won't be ashamed to say, my parents are everything but divorced in name and place of residence.

And what worse thing to fight over but money? Compared to many others, we're very affluent with no loans whatsoever, no installment payments and extremely low expenditure save for the bomb which UWA charges for Medicine.

Basically, my family's split into a everybody vs my mother.

Ever since last week, I'm totally independent from her except for the roof over my head. That's because she has stopped washing my clothes last week, my socks in Sec 1, cooking a month back and she never ever ironed my clothes. She stopped talking to me since last week too. And she even said I wasn't her son too. So, well, besides blood, place of residence and money (since she claims every cent in the house and the bank accounts of everybody except my brother and me), there isn't anything much of a relationship.

My brother, he's just the same with just blood and money tying him.

My father, that's a story 30 years in the making and I shouldn't be saying much because I wouldn't know. Just that the government sucking money periodically doesn't help much.

We can't wait to split everything proper and get on with life without her blaming everyone for every shortcoming of hers. Going to church late PERIODICALLY? It's because we used her toilet. (which means 1 toilet ; there are 2 toilets). Failed Taiji performance? because others made her nervous. Blowing up at others for everything? It's because others made her riled. The reason why people run faster than her? It's always "Others train", never "I didn't train". And goes on complaining just like what I'm doing now.

I don't care if there isn't money for me to go university to study, just ensure my brother gets his medical education through. You denied him his birthday happiness when he was 5 and a cake in front in him and now I don't intend to have a medical dropout as a brother.

And if my mother still believes I hate her, then she's wrong, because I love what she is, that is my mother, but hate what she does.

I don't really understand why I'm doing this and I feel I really should spent this time better. It's Christmas eve and I really shouldn't be spoiling it. Wish everybody a merry Christmas.

sembilan dua puluh dua

2006-12-18T19:15:00.000+08:00

I finally got a 9:22 for a 2.4km
I'm going to break 9 next year

I like this weather, makes me like running

Especially with oldies playing in my head, that of American Pie, not the movie, but the song

And that of Why Do Fools Fall In Love?, which was all the more interesting with me playing it in Band before.

For those who thought I was referring to the workers downstairs being idiots, you got me wrong. I was referring to some Scholar sitting up there at HDB shaking his leg and pushing pens around. I can't be elitist for that, can I? Being anti-elite isn't exactly a trademark of an elitist.

American Pie - Don McLean

A long long time ago
I can still remember how that music used to make me smile And I knew if I had my chance That I could make those people dance And maybe they'd be happy for a while.
But February made me shiver
With every paper I'd deliver
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step
I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died

So

bye-bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye Singin' this'll be the day that I die This'll be the day that I die

Did you write the Book of Love
And do you have faith in God above
If the Bible tells you so
Do you believe in rock 'n roll
Can music save your mortal soul
And can you teach me how to dance real slow Well, I know that you're in love with him 'Cause I saw you dancin' in the gym You both kicked off your shoes Man, I dig those rhythm and blues I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck With a pink carnation and a pickup truck But I knew I was out of luck The day the music died

I started singin'

bye-bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye Singin' this'll be the day that I die This'll be the day that I die

Now for ten years we've been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin' stone
But that's not how it used to be
When the jester sang for the King and Queen In a coat he borrowed from James Dean And a voice that came from you and me Oh, and while the King was looking down The jester stole his thorny crown The courtroom was adjourned No verdict was returned And while Lenin read a book of Marx The quartet practiced in the park And we sang dirges in the dark The day the music died

We were singing

bye-bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye Singin' this'll be the day that I die This'll be the day that I die

Helter Skelter in a summer swelter
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter Eight miles high and falling fast It landed foul out on the grass The players tried for a forward pass With the jester on the sidelines in a cast Now the half-time air was sweet perfume While the Sergeants played a marching tune We all got up to dance Oh, but we never got the chance 'Cause the players tried to take the field The marching band refused to yield Do you recall what was revealed The day the music died

We started singing

bye-bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye Singin' this'll be the day that I die This'll be the day that I die

Oh, and there we were all in one place
A generation Lost in Space
With no time left to start again
So come on, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick Jack Flash sat on a candlestick 'Cause fire is the Devil's only friend Oh, and as I watched him on the stage My hands were clenched in fists of rage No angel born in hell Could break that Satan's spell And as the flames climbed high into the night To light the sacrificial rite I saw Satan laughing with delight The day the music died

He was singing

bye-bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye Singin' this'll be the day that I die This'll be the day that I die

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd heard the music years before
But the man there said the music woudn't play And in the streets the children screamed The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed But not a word was spoken The church bells all were broken And the three men I admire most The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost They caught the last train for the coast The day the music died

And they were singing

bye-bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye Singin' this'll be the day that I die This'll be the day that I die

Why Do Fools Fall In Love - Frankie Lymon And The Teenagers

ooooo wah, oooooo wah, ooooo wah, oooooo wah,
ooooo wah, oooooo wah, Why do fools fall in love

Why do birds sing so gay
And lovers await the break of day
Why do they fall in love
Why does the rain fall from up above
Why do fools fall in love
Why do they fall in love

Love is a losing game
And love can be a shame
I know of a fool, you see
For that fool is me
Tell me why
Tell me why

Why do birds sing so gay
And lovers await the break of day
Why do they fall in love
Why does the rain fall from up above
Why do fools fall in love
Why do they fall in love

Why does my heart skip a crazy beat
For I know it will reach defeat
Tell me why
Tell me why
Why do fools fall in love

Aqua et Terra sed non Aerius

2006-12-15T19:09:00.000+08:00

If Hougang and Potong Pasir didn't vote for the "whole package", I certainly didn't vote for the package of noise they're giving the whole block. And neither did 17 stories of flats here.

If GST was part of the "package" that the Party presented, then I certainly think everybody didn't vote for it. At least I wouldn't.

The Party can give health subsidies but it really doesn't matter if I am going to be deaf anyway.

What's wrong with the floor that you idiots must go drilling it up just to replace it with cement again?

And if economics ever tell you that needless government expenditure was going to stimulate consumption and investment by channeling money into those indian workers' pockets, then they're right. Because we have a long queue of people with hearing problems asking for medical services (consumption). With that, the prospect of the health industry rises and more investment would be attracted. Amazing eh? My stupid Singaporean mind can never fully comprehend such great thoughts.

Me seeing this and not being able to do anything just makes me sick in the stomach.

Again, the question, how do we know we're transparent if we aren't transparent?

I fear, as time passeth, we become more and more totalitarian and are oblivious to it just like the situation in V for Vendetta.

MRT suicides to the west, east, north of me and all the papers could talk about was the typhoon which didn't even dent the Philippines.

And now, cold blooded murder one street away and the papers could be oblivious to it till it got posted on the internet.

And if you still don't get it about the papers, forget it.

While drilling continues to rock my world, I've been running and reading and eating when I'm still on land.

Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays are training days and all I can say is that i've improved, little or much. And that I came, I saw and Macritchie conquered me. Can't wait for Irwan to get back on Monday.

Gone with the wind is more than halfway now, and the rubber bands and paper used to prevent it from getting any more ragged are disfigured to the extent of being non existant.

The same jui kueh, chicken rice, noodle stalls still recognise me simply because I've ran out of food variety and been eating the same thing almost everyday unless my parents decide to cook. And there's 7 kg of batang and bayka and 5 chickens with some beef waiting to be cooked.

That's mostly what I've been doing on land nowadays.

Today's friday and thus, my swim day. 3 laps frog style kick, 13 laps freestyle pull and 4 laps freestyle full stroke. Not much but enough to kill me. Wonder how I'm going to run tomorrow.

And if you didn't notice yet, my exercise days are everyday except for tuesdays and sundays. And I thought no band would free up time for me. blearhx.

And that ends the water part with my hip having a very stark colour difference.

So that's about it for this week, water and land but not air. Aqua et Terra sed non Aerius.

Holidays

2006-12-06T20:11:00.000+08:00

For a person who doesn't really get invites for parties/stayovers/outings, I must say my holidays are pretty fun and exciting.

Firstly, the long distance people got a new coach and NJC got a new PE teacher.

Mr Irwan. Or so I heard him say he was called. We got him from SJI, are we following RJC in catching people or what? Anyway, he's fun, he says he is a taskmaster and he seems to know his work well. Hope I improve under his tutelage.

Secondly, Gone With The Wind is extremely interesting for me.

I can't stop referring to some map of the United States whenever they so much mention a Macon, Atlanta, Dalton or Chickamauga. And whatever I read about the civil war comes alive with Chattanooga, General Sherman and his march to Atlanta, Generals Ulysses S Grant, Robert E. Lee, Sheridan, Hood, Stonewall Jackson, Forrest.

It's breathtaking when War and Places are come alive through fiction.

Thirdly, Latin just got tougher.

Latin is a language
Dead as it can be
First it killed the Romans
And now it's killing me!

Found that in this book

Fourthly, I'm getting more and more accepted in soccer circles here, regardless of whether they are malay indian or chinese. In fact, I get along better with malays and Indians.

And seeing how they fight among themselves is fun. And how they don't like to lose.

Fifthly, I'm going to town quite often for one thing or another. May sound boring to you but walking around the whole of town and seeing things is exciting for me.

Sixthly, every friday just became swimming day and I'm not about to stop when school reopens. There's so many things I haven't done and want to do before I turn 20. Right now, I can't cycle, I can't swim and I can't understand any other language besides English and Mandarin, even other chinese dialects seem foreign to me. So, of course, everything is interesting to me now, because I'm doing something I ought to have done 5-10 years back. And it's not all the time I have free coaching from my father.

Seventhly, I got the chance to hear how bombs and treaties made South Arabia british territory by some Harvard professor.

Eighthly, Mrs Tan never stops pestering me about some malay girl from commonwealth coming to NJC.

Ninthly, I thought out some running routes about here and I love running them, especially the Bukit Timah ones. Trees trees and trees.

Lastly, chemistry is Fun. Fasciniating. F. for some of you.

Of course it would be foolish to kid myself by saying that I'm all fine at home without going out with others. But then again, if nobody invites, it's pointless to barge in. And I'm still not very happy that some *toooooot* left me to rot at home and went for Commonwealth Band Camp. Ah well. There's something about me. Wish I could laugh it off. but I can't. Why? Because it's the truth.

P.S. For those who think I'm not very happy now, guess again, because I'm fascinated by myself, happy, almost joyful, that I still can breathe and have such a fruitful holiday.

Jamie Capella Est

2006-12-03T21:34:00.000+08:00

That literally means Jamie is a nanny goat, though I don't know Jamie's latinized name
That was the closest to lamb chop I can get to right now.

Andrew's and Jamie's church play is evangelistic yet not too pushing in that way if you get what I mean.

And yet, I think it meant as much to me as it was to new christians.
It sums up my year of 2006 perfectly.
It must have been the most miserable year yet because of the misery, it is the best year I've ever had.

I may be the total opposite to my brother, who is always at loggerheads with the world and naturally, closer religiously.

My orientation is a lot more to this world, that's where frustration and materialistic views come in and like I've always said, I'm no puritan.

And that's maybe why my elder brother is the more religious of the 2 of us. For a lifetime, he would bring me back to the fold when I am astray, retrieve me when I am bogged down or find me when I am lost. For, I am like a wild horse, never fixed, never satisfied.

It all started in Primary School.
Being the typical timid me, I skipped sunday school just because I didn't know anyone there. (The reason being I switched from english to the chinese section)
Somehow, just somehow, I got caught.
Next thing I knew, I was back in sunday school and even once represented that age group for a inter-presbyterian churches bible knowledge contest. heh, can't remember the result, but it was in Primary Six and fun seemed a lot more important then.

The real trouble started in Secondary School
Then, I took tuition (and yes, I needed tuition), which happened to clash with church
Once again, rather than walking out of church early or going there late, I opted to skip totally without my parents' consent.

It went on all the way until this year, when miraculously, the tuition centre called to say they were scrapping the class due to lack of tuitees.
I was forcefully dragged back by my father to church and this time to main sermons rather than sunday school.
And that basically explains my distant relationship with the church and with religion.

Added to that was the backlog of frustrations that failed to clear, culminating in a lack of a supporting beam and me being lost, searching and even more frustrated than before.

I was lost, but now am found
But if I would not go, there is nothing a shepard could do

Emotions and Pain

2006-11-30T21:06:00.000+08:00

Before I went for training today, I sort of answered my mother quite badly since I was harbouring a sort of grudge in the morning and thus, she sorta blew her top and is on the Indian trail now.

Which means, I can't step anywhere without hearing a quarrel.
Ah well, after reading Silvia's post, I really wonder which is better, having quarrelsome parents or having something next to non-existant parents.

The bad blood from that encounter made me very troubled in training and I trained my lungs out to get it out of my mind and also to stop being a wooden spoon award winner.
Amazingly, I forgot about it, but I realised that final score was emotions 10 me 0.

Emotion and pain, for me, it doesn't imply love as the emotion
What really bugs me most is hate, jealousy, frustration and anger
I may not show it but the bad thing is that it gets bottled up inside and waiting to explode like a volcano in time

What I want is for it to really dissipate into the thin air rather than to be stuck in my heart till the next eruption.

Godlessness. That is one of the reasons.
While I have been born into a christian family, my faith isn't strong, my church track record is as good as my Track and Field track record and I really wished my family had prodded me to take part in alot more church activities.

But still, that isn't an excuse. No matter what people say or whether they look down on me, I will not be able to say I am a devout through and through Christian.

Let everybody else say it and for them, that may be true, but for me, I'm still a long way away.

Let us return to the matter at hand. Emotions.
Ironically, my behaviour is greatly influenced by my mother, almost an exact copy and that was why there's so much bad blood. Irony, or the illusion of it.

That isn't and excuse and it doesn't stop there, it translates into school too.

I apologize for the acts of mine but to say it is an honourable thing, for me, because I know, I've come to accept it and change, for the better I hope.

And maybe, just maybe, these may be the catalyst and some of the factors for my miserable year.

Firstly, Jessica, Melody, Sarah, Kaiqi, Xin Yuan. I must say I'm very jealous about you people getting Star when I'm dumped on the wayside. And that made me antagonistic at times, in fact, many times.

Secondly, Kaisheng, Melody, Jessica. Jealousy again got the better of me when you got the flight the Korea and I did not. Antagonistic ideas definitely creeped in.

Thirdly, Jeremy and Terence. Sporting exploits is enough for envy to breed within me and yes, antagonistic thoughts sprung again.

Fourthly, if there is any fourthly at all, I must have forgotten and I believe I should put it to rest. Requiescat in Pace.

All of the above follow a similar pattern, Frustration from the lack of breeds Jealousy which breeds antagonism and translate into anger. The cycle repeats the more I think about it.

Then, there is the part where I remember wrongs and don't forgive and forget easily. I tend to believe that since others won't forget my wrongs, I won't forget theirs either. That itself is a wrong.

And so, once again, I apologize to everybody profusely and this post has really cleared me up alot. Scold me if you think you should, I wouldn't react, I promise. Neither would I remember the grudge, only the event.

Deo Volente

Distraction

2006-11-29T23:34:00.000+08:00

I think I got myself into too many activities again
This time, luckily, is my self-imposed activities
And this computer is a real big distraction.
And so is Unification Wars.=((

Underneath everything is my physics file
then Additional Mathematics book is on top with a book titled "The Students' Companion For South East Asia" topping it all off.
Next to it is my open "Idiots' Guide to learning Latin" and "Gone with Wind" on top of its open pages.

Next to all of that is this gigantic distraction.

Well, this few days have been going to town, not orchard though, for various stuff like sports and fitness expo and other "dull" things

And I haven't been going for trainings ever since I sprained my left foot 3 times last week and my right foot once very badly while coming downhill. That's 4-5 days in a row. bad bad bad

Okay, so now I've started on Latin and I still got to do my 15 minute -a-day reading on it later. And so, you may ask, why Latin?

Firstly, it's easier than character based languages or languages like malay which is so different in spelling and pronunciation from english.

Secondly, I hate reading mottos which I can't understand or reading great words like "cognito ergo sum" with no incling to what it might mean.

Thirdly, Catholics use it. ALOT. and for clarification, I'm not catholic, just interested in whatever is requiem and all.

Fourthly, it's cool

Fifthly, it's classical.

Sixthly, nobody knows it thanks to it being dead

Seventhly, it perks my interests

There's no eighthly. and can somebody tell me what 150 people can do in 1 hour?

High Flyers

2006-11-27T16:57:00.000+08:00

While everybody goes overseas this jolly good festive season, High flyers in all senses of the word no doubt, I am sort of grounded.
That's when blog hopping gets boring due to the nature of the posts (or the lack of)
People fly high into the sky, landing in lands far away.
The tricolours of the les bleus, 5 yellow stars against blood red or single star against red, the eight trigrams, land of the rising sun, Maple land, liberty land, home of the burmese tiger, Formosa, Union jack with five (or six stars) stars....these are just some of the overseas locations while budget travellers or not-so-high-flyers travel no-frills to one Pulau Ubin with a token 2 dollars.

Since I do not live in the east or wish to spend money or got a school trip and have already travelled out of the country 2 times last year, I am effectively stuck on Earth with buses and Money Reducing Toys to satiate my travelling desire. And what better place to go than to......the National Library. And what more? I saw r****l at the library at 8++pm yesterday, just my luck. Well, I maxed out my allotment of books with at least a book in the disciplines of German, Latin, Economics and Philosophy. I doubt I can read them all. Let alone understand all. But first, latin and its seven word forms.

On a somewhat unrelated note, both my feet are twisted after last saturday's run at MacRitchie and no, I didn't get lost at macritchie like I did at turf city.

I have a feeling I'm writing very horribly and uninterestingly here.

To everybody flying or going overseas, please and I hope that you don't crash/die/end up in hospital/get sick/jet lag for 10 days/lose a part of your body/drown(after falling of the pulau ubin boat)/end up on a deserted pacific island etc., especially those going to winter lands and of course, my dear dear sister.

ok, back to work

work work like warcraft human style

Lost

2006-11-24T18:48:00.000+08:00

Well, I didn't exactly get lost on a deserted Island
Just in Turf City. and it wasn't because I didn't know the way out.
It was because I wanted to find the "proper" road run way out
Which wasn't very smart since I really got lost after that.

Somehow, I still managed to come out at eng neo avenue and return to school when it started pouring. And when I reached school, it stopped.
Apparently, the whole long distance team was still looking for me back there.
That's when I realised I really caused alot of problems.
2 minutes after I arrived, Thomas arrived and he wasn't very happy.
If I didn't have such a bad track record in track(no pun intended), maybe there may not be so much angst involved.
I really am sorry.

On another note, today I went swimming with my father again.
It gets depressing the way I swim that is.
Learning the basics of breast stroke and the fine tuning of my freestyle
It really tells me the lack that I have been having all these years.
I can't bicycle, can't swim decently and neither can I play a sport properly.
Will these few years change it? We'll see.

I'm finally at Part 2 Chapter VIII of "Gone With The Wind" and I feel I was Gerald O'Hara and yet I was Ellen Robilliard and Scarlett O'Hara. I was the whole O'Hara family minus Carreen and Suellen. Maybe, just maybe, I should read on first.

Beauty

2006-11-22T12:46:00.000+08:00

Yes, it's all around me, beauty that is.
Until, I step on dog shit with my new asics shoes for the 3rd time in 3 months since I bought it.

They told me to do a long run myself, so I did it.
Up to Bukit Gombak, then to Bukit Panjang, before turning into Upper Bukit Timah Road and down to Bukit Batok Nature Reserve and up that stupid steep and long slope near the fire station.

It's scenic, with elements of old and new.
Like come on, how often do you see 2 MRT stations, a couple of LRT stations, a stadium, 2 Government clubs, Condos, Private Properties, HDBs, 2 trailer parks coupled with trees, 100 year old train track archs, Lee Huat Motor Co (an old shophouse) and lots and lots more trees in just one run?

Of course, I won't say it was easy, just fulfilling.
Imagine the cold 7 am wind blowing into your face.
Imagine fish flopping in the pond created by a hollowed out quarry
Imagine the cars zipping past and the wind rushing past
To me, it's beauty that can never be bought.

Tuesday

2006-11-21T17:44:00.000+08:00

Track's always fun with people like Justin but will it last?
Ultimately, it is still an individual sport, nothing of the sort of soccer, basketball, volleyball, netball etc.
Which means there is no riding on anybody else.
Though Cross Country is a team event on top of being an individual one, the rest of the events are up to the individual, which makes it tough on the individual.
Trainings will no doubt get tougher and laughs will definitely dry up like rain when El Nino strikes. Or maybe not if you're not a peripheral figure.

It's a time where I ask myself what I want to be and how much I want it.
It's time I start doing things not out of spite but out of reason.
It's time I start doing things not out of emotions but through logic
But will I ever be able to do that?

The fact I never left NJC despite the dearth of opportunities given to me is testament to the route I'm taking.
While I may curse and swear and do everything under the sun, the only person affected is me and it's up to me to do something about it.
"If the mountain will not go to Mohamet, Mohamet must go to the mountain"
Once again, hope I can do it and sustain it.

Though there is always the feeling that efforts are paramount to nothing, it is still worth it even if worse people get it because I know, either I'm not good enough or the selection screws up. If I'm not good enough, maybe they could give me a nice explanation and let's compare it with a year before. Recycled or original ideas?

But maybe, just maybe, I won't succeed anywhere. Because I'm not good or whatever the reason, attitude or otherwise. I really doubt my ability to survive in this world.

Then again, is the world really the world I picture or is it a Version that I am conditioned to know? Maybe I'll know next time.

Yet if I can improve myself along the way and tolerate nonsense, maybe this coming 4 years wouldn't be so difficult. neither would it be easy.

I don't need a saviour, I need to be saved
I don't need Christmas, I need Easter

Sight and Sound

2006-11-19T18:15:00.000+08:00

Like the title, we should learn to be less complaining while seeing and hearing more, so says our government, lest we become a complaining people.

The real reason is that I have nothing much to say except that I did my first sudoku yesterday and it was at the hardest difficulty and that my apartment's corridor's turning into a forest with bittergourd, groundnut, aloe vera, chilli and other plants being cultivated for domestic use. Recently, laksa leaf was also planted. And where do we get the soil and sand? Various sources such as gardening stores, already present in the pots and construction sites. But since I can't take pictures, no pctures to show, just come down and have a look if you want but I warn you, there ain't no reception since my mother's totally against it.

So that's that, and pictures (taken by other people)

Sports

Animals

Views

Now for some super duper old photos and some people are going to kill me for this

NUS Geography Challenge

Jason Sleeping there, woot~

Emergence of the Dragon

2006-11-17T19:55:00.000+08:00

What happens when an Emergent Dragon meets a Bush, rather TWO Bushes?
Usually, the bush gets burned but this Bush got a suck-up of a Dragon and emerged like William the Conqueror after the Conquest of Britain.
Bushes ain't gonna remember driving through empty roads in the middle of the Central Business District or that he gave hope to all last minute O and A level muggers.

The last time a dignatary of any other nation came, I don't even remember an unmanned Sampan being moored with the "Welcome to Singapore" banner welcoming them. Even if it was the next big things, China and India.

If protests rules were any more lax, GST signs would be shown to welcome the Bushes.

But, the crux is, why do we need to suck up to him so much?

For those who want a lighter take, listen to Mr Brown's last few podcast. Sparks of brilliance.

And for those who want a better understanding of my life, read on.

Okay, so today I didn't go running, which means I didn't have to choose between CCK or BTH. I went swimming with my father instead.
Which gives me a stunning revelation: I'm as good as the primary 3 kid that was me, if not, worse.
Maybe not stunning considering I stopped swimming completely until last year december where I had a token swim.
At least I still managed to get 12 laps of swimming which wasn't continuous at all.
And all of it was done using freestyle, since that's the only stroke I know. (That's how bad I am)
Another proof of how bad I am? Sure. For one, my father swims almost 2 laps CONTINUOSLY using breaststroke, while I swam only 1 lap using freestyle and I couldn't say I never stopped.

That doesn't sound bad enough. Let's throw in the age. He's 58 and aching everywhere everyday. I'm 16 and healthy except for a tiny strain on the achilles tendon.
And to think I am a son of 2 former school swimmers. heh.

If anybody wants to talk about this and give me face, say that I lost to a former school swimmer rather than a 58 year old partial invalid. It makes a huge difference.

Okay photos

Oh well, photobucket's down for maintenance now so readers, you'll see it next time.

Remember, anything I put, it's always good stuff and worth the wait=)

White Lightnings Vs Hougang Hammers

Gone with the Wind

2006-11-16T23:27:00.000+08:00

If you didn't notice, I left out a pretty important thing to do this holiday.
That is, READING ELAINE'S GONE WITH THE WIND.
I feel real bad about sitting on the book for the past 10 months or so, the least I could do now is to remember to read it and read it well, not fast. That's justice for the book.

I almost forgot about the book when I brushed against it while looking through some physics notes.
Now, that brings me to Physics. Yes, kinematics was simple for me because it was pure maths, get the signs and variables correct and substitute them in. Done.
But, I think I met more than my match in 2 dimensional tensional forces and moments. Really struggling to get it now. But once I get it, I'll be leapfrogging into a level higher than I ever was.

That seems like a universal law. Spikes and plateaus as part of a graph.
When stuck on a plateau, no matter how hard we try, we are always at a certain level, never changing, until the breakthrough is achieved and giant improvements are shown. Some call it a "bottleneck", others, pure "breakthrough".
There are many things I want to spark that breakthrough, yet I do not know when it will come until it has come. Well, well, we can only try, try and try.

Today's training for me was a walk in the park not because I'm good but because the training was easy. Give me Justin's training and I'll drop dead straight away.
Missed the gate closing time since we had "special" strengthening so walked out through main gate with 2 people who combined to be 10 times lamer than me. Imagine that.
And finally, somebody who would willingly walk to Coronation Plaza. I swear I didn't prod or use peer pressure. He asked me to walk with him. So being the good person I am, I accompanied him.
Goodness, to think I haven't gone there for more than a year. I don't remember seeing a shelter for the overhead bridge. That's how long I haven't been there.
Showed Justin the building which looked like a Pig's head. Some fun in there.
After that, I head home, no soccer with kiddies after that since it was already quarter past seven when I boarded the bus. Anyway, my achilles tendon flared up again after yesterday's lone striking role. Damn those kiddies, rather stand behind halfway line to defend and leave me to dribble from one goalpost to the other and wow, no shooting from far range allowed since that was considered "ramming". So, it was literally from goalpost to goalpost. Running that hard barefooted really busted my achilles tendon. Hope it heals in a few days.

Anyway, I suppose that game was worth it. And, I depend on those kiddies to play with me.
I would rather be running and busting all my bones than sitting at a computer and doing nothing but listening to "Majulah Singapura" and stare at phsics diagrams which I still can't understand after 2 days. Nevermind, a few more days and I'm sure I can get it somewhat.

These few days have also been spent playing some games of chess online. Okay, not some. Many. and I keep losing=((. Well, of course I win some but then it never feels nice to KEEP losing more than you win.

So, for a change, I plan to go run a bit tomorrow. Should I run all the way to Choa Chu Kang or Bukit Timah Hill? I'll probably get lost somewhere in Choa Chu Kang which makes it all the more exciting. Bukit Timah Hill is scenic yet boring after sitting one too many 852s. I suppose I'll decide tomorrow afternoon or morning rather than now. And that is hoping Bush doesn't come my way. Hope my tendon holds like it did today.

It's 1210 am and I really should get to bed, so no time for Associate Press Photos which really brightens me up with the marvel it generates. Wait till tomorrow.

V for Vendetta

2006-11-15T12:12:00.000+08:00

Thanks to a self-imposed boycott of cinemas, not being at 02 chalet at the right time and the file size being 2.8GB, I've only finish watching it now while finally finish downloading it yesterday night.

I really believe that the Wachowski brothers have some serious inclinations towards philosophy and political science with a degree in one of them.

To think the philosophical content of The Matrix trilogy was enough with cryptic words and phrases. This time, they go one up by emptying the whole dictionary of words starting with "V".(I do not really think they dump such a whole big chunk of words in a graphic novel)

Now to a more pressing problem: This computer really has no more empty hard drive space )):
And I still need to reformat it. Well, well, who has a 40 GB external hard disk that I could borrow?

That aside, my list for the holiday:

1) Physics
2) Maths
3) Some basic foreign language fundamentals (eg. malay/latin/german/french/spanish?)
4) Go find some work
5) Run, run, run

Basically, it has been like this since Sunday. Yeah, that's how lazy I am.
One thing I did though: play kiddy soccer at the nearby park.
They can't run and are primary school kids, so what do you expect from them?
So I sort of thrashed them when I played outfield and got thrashed when I played goalkeeper. Seriously, my reflexes suck big time now.

Since everybody has O levels and some other thing on which I failed to get, I have to pamper myself with some kids. Wait till O levels are over, then I'm ready to get thrashed in basketball.

For now, it's back to moments and static, neutral, stable and unstable equilibrium, with the further option into studying Andrew's paper on "Realism in Physics". Or maybe I might try writing an evaluation of the Goh Say Tax (GST) increase and its severe economic impacts. Alternatively, integrals and differentials, Sine and cosine rules could also be explored. Chemistry holiday homework could also be done in a jiffy if it appeals sufficiently. It's 15 questions LONG. Definately not appealing.

That's basically my subject combination next year. With a H1 L maybe.

Time for something else. Pictures speak a thousand words and on monday alone, I've got around forty thousand words. Guess I'm really lazy.

Trade and Logistics fair, Busan

Some guy used this rare stamp to post his election vote, it's an Inverted Jenny

Look in the background

Guiness world record

Some German lake, the lightbulb is such a lightbulb

The new Happy Feet

Happy Feet Premiere with REAL penguins

To end it off, maybe we should do something like that one day

or

Oh yah, I almost forgot, Charisia if you ever read until here, at first, I thought that picture reminded me of pure retardedness but after you put that second tag, it hit some chord in me and yeah, it looked alot more like that and friendship and relationship.

Birthdays Galore

2006-11-14T12:21:00.000+08:00

It seems November is a good month to give birth and that February is a good month to get impregnated or pregnant.

And 14 november just happens to be a day with the most for me (I know some of you have like 189379245982649 people on the same day, but give me some fun k?)

Self-explanatory

However, the middle name you see there, that was my former SL so of course, it brings back somewhat rather bad memories.

This, coupled with whatever I talked with Jeremy the last time round, was a potent combination for remembering and learning. It isn't regrets, but semi-regrets.

I quit band without so much of a reason and of course conspiracy theories that I was forced to quit etc.
I wish it was half as spectacular as that but no, I quit unilaterally with a reason I'm not sure of either. Maybe I just wanted to quit.
That aside, it basically meant I burned every bridge there, lost whatever people considered as friendship and angered quite a few teachers and people along the way.
What really alarms me now is the number of bridges burned. It's one too many and to repair them, it is a mammoth task and I do not have the courage.
And now, they are all in their JC2 year whuch means after this, it is highly unlikely I'll ever see them again, not to mention repair these bridges.

Then, I thought it would be better to leave it that way.
But, as time wore on, instead of becoming more indifferent, it kind of weighs heavy on my mind.
And yet, I still am not very sure of the point of contention. Amazing?
I sort of regret it that I left hem on a sour note and that it might never change.
Yet, I also do not regret that I quit band.
Why? I do not know it myself.

It's kind of comical when I look at it now. One month. That's it. That determines it.

Here's something I wrote a day before somebody's birthday on the 11th of august but never got to show that person. It'll be a waste if I didn't show it and I just hope the intended person reads it because, I don't have courage and I am a coward.

Dear Vanessa,

First of all, I would like to wish you a happy birthday, though I might be the last person you would expect to wish you a happy birthday. The further contents of this letter would either destroy your festive spirit or improve some areas depending on how you react. A birthday, I feel, is not about presents and all but, rather, a day of looking back into the past year.

After that MSN conversation in May, I never got to say anything to the matter again. I still remember that you apologized for a great many things that I claimed that I didn’t have. What I really wanted you to know is that if there is any apologies to be said, it should be mine. I do not know how badly affected you were from that conversation but really, I just wanted to quit, not to hurt you in any way, emotionally or otherwise. Maybe if you knew my character, family background and history, you would understand me, though I cannot expect you to.

I apologise for your unhappiness arising from me, big or small. The great many things were wants not needs and you needn’t fulfill them. What if I said that what I said that night were peripheral issues and that I didn’t reveal the real reason? Would you believe me? It’s your trust and friendship I value here, nothing more, nothing less.

I have heard about the apology issued by Samuel at the AGM. Please let him see or tell him the content here. I am the want who should apologise rather than him. It wasn’t him or you that caused me to make that decision. A large part of it stemmed from my emotional condition at that point in time, which I couldn’t blame anybody else for, can I?

Once again, I ask for your forgiveness, your trust and your friendship even though we may never talk again. Give me the peace of mind that someone who has never ill-treated me forgave me and closed this chapter of this life of mine. I also ask Samuel for his forgiveness rather than his apology. I also value his friendship and trust. The closure to this matter is long overdue and I believe this is the best time for it to surface.

I wish you the best of luck for your A levels and I thank you for everything you’ve done for me, big or small, presents and all. Thank you and remember that the effect of this letter depends entirely on how you react towards it.

Fervour

2006-11-12T21:09:00.000+08:00

After 2 days, I've just realised that evry application i've put through has got rejected save for elective modules and council which I then was felled at the elections.
The total count is 5: 3 Science related, 2 council related
While shouting, cheering, making speeches were never my forte, it was in fact my pianissimo or ppp, Science has always been my mainstay.
To fail in 3 straight applications really frustrates even the most patient person and it is clear that either I suck or the application people suck.

For eight years, I've never failed to feel superior to many.
And now, I'm made to eat the bitter pill of failure, its bitterness lingering in my mouth for months on end.
While it is frustrating enough for me, look at those who are better than me who are left by the wayside. Just look at Kaixin.
Desmond and Faisal may think that NJC may be a place of opportunities but as all things in Singapore go, it is only the select few who gets such opportunities.
While it is in line with meritocracy, it does not provide opportunity for people to enrich themselves or to learn for the sake of learning.
Pick anybody off the street, have any of them been given the chance to research? or to know the workings of research?
Even if they really wanted it for learning, not to excel, they would never get the chance.
And once 12 years of education is gone, opportunity is never there unless you go into the field which is stupid because you would be stepping into terrain you do not even have the slightest idea of what it is about.

The only reason for this feeling may only be because I'm down here and no more up there.
If I was up there, I would be thinking no further than getting the opportunity and leaving the rest of the field for dead.
So it may be a blessing in disguise, otherwise, would I feel the kind of pain anybody who fails get?
And I am lucky, I fail at things over and on top of academic work so it gives me pain yet not desperation or deeper pain.

Since I've failed in 3 science applications in a row, it would be safe to assume, any H3 in science I might want to take may be denied.
May be the only way to get it is to top the level and give them no choice.
But, if for some reason I don't get it, I would regret not leaving the school earlier.

Because I really don't know what keeps me at this school.
I don't get the opportunities here. okay, maybe I do get some.
I don't have very close friends so to me staying in a class is not important at all. I'm always the outcast.((:
I'm very sure I don't get to contribute to the house much
So what exactly is keeping me here?

give me a fire, light my fervour

Chalet

2006-11-10T21:58:00.000+08:00

Some of you may have been wondering what I was doing cooped up in a room of the chalet typing for almost an hour. Truth is, I was typing a post, a real diary post in a word document which is still here and if you read it, it wouldn't do good for anybody.
Reason being it was something I wasn't too happy about at the chalet and all and of course, the accidental coping of my cardholder cum convenience wallet didn't make things any better. The fact that I got to sleep on a cold hard floor without a blanket made me even more upset and angry.

But, the good thing was, it was so uncomfortable that I woke up at 535 when I slept only at 3 am. This, allowed me to go take a jog along east coast park. I wanted to wake up at 545 but 10 minutes earlier is fine. The idea was to observe the sunrise with each stride that took me farther or nearer the chalets. However, the geography of singapore makes it such that any general point along the beach faces south south east rather than east, making the sunrise unviewable at the chalet. If only I had gone abit later and hung out at some outcrop of the beach, maybe I would have seen it. Well, at least I learnt that direction matters.

The day was thus set off on a good tone with me playing tennis, soccer, pool subsequently. The endless mahjong games and card games become a bore and the lack of a cooking experience adds to the boredom. Wonder how some people can play these games forever. I would rather be doing a sport somewhere. And so it came to pass that the rain and all ensured it was around 630 when I was still in 02 playing some weird mahjong game and the mathematical game using cards with ernest, regina and doris. The frustrating thing was that I couldn't secure anybody to go swimming with me. So, it got so boring that I went swimming myself, which was a good thing too. I sorta sucked big time since the last time I swam was last year and prior to that, in 2001 was the last known time. With the great growth of around half a metre, Returning to swimming after 4 year hiatus and just swimming 2 times in 2 years isn't sufficient for me to catch a breath and swim breadths and lengths endlessly. My only stroke is freestyle and that's how bad I am. In Jamie's words I'm like a "hippo in water". Apparently, I find that strange since aren't hippos supposed to be in water? And so I swam till the lights were switched on and my eyes hurt very badly since I didn't bring goggles. But I love it, nothing beats seeing things with the pure unaided eye whether it is 500 or 800 degrees.

And of course, I raided 02 once again for food since my class was particularly short in that area. Gay club meeting in 02 then ensued with Jamie being president and Jeremy lying on Mak Mei Keen's bed and Jason with his Indonesian connection. That must have been the most fun meeting in recent weeks. And for remembrance sake, HIPHOP LAMBCHOP.

The night was spent sleeping in 02 with wilbert on my left and Jason on my right with Jamie on Jason's right. Tanumiharjo was spending quality time with Xiao Chen outside the door. And thanks to the Jedi Master's superb suggestion to set air conditioners to 16 degress centigrade, we became what Jason call "Frozen Lamb Chop, cannot do hip hop already".

The next morning Wilbert took like 1 hour to wake up and pack up to go off before everybody else went back to sleep. But, I couldn't since it was already 6++, 7 and so I went to get my breakfast and found that andrew also couldn't sleep. We went to collect lianhe zaobao (why is NSRCC having chinese papers?), rue the loss of the free bowling vouchers and write signs of the bread present under 2 magic bowls which Tanumiharjo hid the magical peanut butter and nutella spreaded pieces of bread.

By the time everybody woke up, it was 9 and so it was pack up time. Despite ben and terence and jeremy clearing the room, I still couldn't find my cardholder which had my ezlink, 60 dollar borders voucher, 15 dollars cash, CTs gd-luck-for-exam card, list of library books i really want to borrow and a 4-point star I folded from 2 bus tickets after a 4 year hiatus of folding it. Regretfully, I was on the verge of whining while calling up a few people to ask if thye had taken it by accident. Well, that was until Jamie ran to me with Justin on her phone saying he took it by accident. So, that was that.

As expected by many people, I of course took many leftovers home. I know people scorn me for it, look down on me but yeah, I'm not as rich as you to throw a kilogram of honey away or buy designer bottles of shampoo when going overseas. I also do not get to eat doritos or lays or pringles every or any day, so I really don't want to see a whole unopened pack go to waste. I have the money, but that doesn't mean I need to spend it on these "wants". If I can get it FOC as leftovers which still taste good, then it makes perfectly good sense to take it. And since these are leftovers, I pick, I do not take everything. Which means I do not take anything you heap on me like a rubbish dump. I would also appreciate if people could ask me before throwing their leftover food into my belongings and expect me to take it as normal. I have my self dignity and I really hate it if you trod on it like you would trod on a piece of paper on the floor.

The train ride from tanah merah was considerably shorter thanks to Silvia and Jamie. While I really profess that I'm sorry for making Silvia wait so long before I could get my cardholder back, what I really am not very happy about is that somebody takes your stuff and only telling you one day later and comes late to return you. Anyway, had lunch with Silvia. Not a very eventful one at that, really makes me wonder whether I'm really that boring and quiet.

And while I was there, Noreen called Terence to tell him that he and me failed the OGL interview and asked him to tell me. Not it would make much of a differance but shouldn't it be basic courtesy to tell the person in person then go through a proxy? Now, I doubly feel like ponning orientation activities and hide myself in the library next year.

And those who really want to read whatever I wrote at the chalet, ask me for it, but I tell you, you won't like it.

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow
but i would not be facing it...

"Take a dip in a table"

2006-11-08T10:13:00.000+08:00

If what I heard and saw yesterday was true, then I believe that this is the start of something impactful.
If the marriage of the Student Council and Sapphire Scholars are anything to come by
Optimism is flooding back and belief is definitely present now.
Though it would take a tad longer to convince me of the school being a place of opportunities because of THE incidents which I have not got over yet
Not Band, Not Council, Not class, I wonder what it could be then

I must thank the Lord for really letting me come in contact with so many great people.
People from lower echelon, higher echelon, like me and what not.
I must say it is providence that I met Desmond.
He may be top in history, geography and economics but I didn't even know he existed.
And yet, humbling experiences at the PSLE. To be exact, 246
He's great. and humble. Inspiration for a mind bereft of it.
And that means me. PCME I'll thrash you next year
And L, if I ever get you on top of PCME, you'll be my pride, my heart and soul, the substitute for band, the place I let my feelings take control.
It's been a long time since I got to learn a culture of a language and I'll not that pass

And yet, just as fast as belief builds up, I lose it as fast.
That, is my flaw.
A blocked road and I sit by the curb and complain
And this reminds me of Perk Lun, the one who bashed into a place reserved for RJC people. Great guys these people are.

For Track and Field, I'll try my best, that's all I have to give.
"Blood, tears, toil and sweat" in Churchill's words

Emerging Democracies and Economies in Eastern Europe, here I come
Chalet can wait, sorry xin yuan, your pool game has to go on without me
and If you people are playing soccer, then I don't think I'll be able to play

I used to think that I could not go on
and life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true Love
I'm leaning on the Everlasting Arms.
If I can see it
then I can do it
If I just believe it
there's nothing to it

I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me runnin' through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

See, I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me
Oh, if I can see it (whoo!)
then I can be it
If I just believe it
there's nothin' to it

I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me runnin' through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly....whoo!
Oh, I believe I can fly

Hey, 'cuz I believe in You
Ohhhhhh
If I can see it
then I can do it
If I just believe it
there's nothin' to it.

I believe I can fly....whoo!
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
See me runnin' through that open door
I believe I can fly (I can fly!)
I believe I can fly (I can fly!)
I believe I can fly
If I just spread my wings (I can fly!)
I can fly (I can fly!)
I can fly (I can fly!)
I can fly (I can fly!)
Hey, if I just spread my wings
I can fly .....(I can fly!) whoo!!
(I can fly!)
fly............

Free Will, Self-determination

2006-11-06T10:48:00.000+08:00

Your Aura is Blue

Spiritual and calm, you tend to live a quiet but enriching life.
You are very giving of yourself. And it's hard for you to let go of relationships.

The purpose of your life: showing love to other people

Famous blues include: Angelina Jolie, the Dali Lama, Oprah

Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor

What Color Is Your Aura?

In response to rayshio's posts of putting the blame of raising kids who don't work, can't cook and all on the parents who pamper them, I shall write this:

Well, to a certain extent, I agree that parents are to blame.
But, to a greater extent I believe the onus should be on schools and the kid itself
Design and Technology, Home Economics all teach us domestic skills and make us more willing to put heart and soul into the crafts our hands find fit to do, yet, it is always seen as playing second or even third fiddle to a whole host of subjects such as english, MT, maths, science etc.

This can only mean that the school does not emphasize on it or that the students are not interested. If teh school provides the opportunity for students to try out and learn without parent supervision or control, then it only goes to show that parents' intervention is not exactly a factor here

If we believe that every man has a mind of their own, has free will and has the right to self determination, then it could be seen that the many inabilities of people is the path chosen by themselves. Even if parents forbid them, somebody must have to do it and they could observe that somebody if they were really interested, and that was also how I learnt to cook simply. If they had questions they could always ask this somebody. Observations and questions open the door to empirical knowledge and the practical side could be tried out later. One may argue that scientia may not translate into techne but I must stress that point that scientia is the basis for techne and techne is gained through trial and error and maybe if we seize every opportunity to do it, I don't see a lack of opportunities to practice. Even when we don't know, we can always try and from there, learn. I do not think anybody should fault that. We may be laughed at our inability once, twice but never forever if we dare to try.

Schools, on the other hand, allocate a token amount of time to such "trivial" subjects with some even scrapping it altogether(ACS?). Commonwealth is a government school and so it has to offer those 2 subjects. However, it was curtailed to half a year with 2 or 3 30-minute periods a week compared to the many periods for science and maths and other subjects. If even autonomous government schools did this, I wouldn't rule out the possibility of independent schools scrapping it. It can thus be seen that the school is directly at fault too.

But, because we have the power to self-determine, students should be the one at fault because whatever little learning opportunities which are always present would be seized if they were interested and want to learn and I believe it would suffice to learn at least the basics. If we admire the people who fight all odds to emarge victorious, shouldn't we follow them and not allow roadblocks(parents) to stop us from pursuing a basic skill?

Okay, and so that ends my thoughts. One unrelated question though: If one person doesn't take diplomatic overtures too kindly, not to the point of cursing and swearing back but to the point of ignoring, it would be meaningless to continue and thus should we discontinue it? Utilitarianism says we should and deontology says we shouldn't and I'm really lost in the answer. Somebody, please tell me. Ironically, free will and self-determination gets me caught in such a dilemma.

Shenandoah

2006-11-05T13:31:00.000+08:00

Very different from whatever you hear today, but it has that something that everything else doesn't have. Just tell me how many songs are about beautiful rivers today? or that of your home town?

Glenn Miller in the Mood, instrumental

For those inclined to historical speeches,

Churchill, This was their Finest Hour

Licoln, gettysburg address

For those who want more, go http://ragz.info/voices_of_the_twentieth_century.htm

The adventures of Elite Girl

2006-11-04T12:40:00.000+08:00

Cartoon strips really pop out fast
Right after the whole elite saga, cartoons pop out and what better place to pop out than on the web. So, if you want to look at The Adventures of Elite Girl, go to www.insanepoly.com

and that is where I extracted the following which I find meaningful

"As for that whole apology thing, the half-heartedness with which it was initially made is worse than not apologising. Patronising to the core. If WSM and her father don’t think they are wrong,they shouldn’t apologise. Just come out and defend your viewpoints with good arguments. Instead WSM closed down her blog and than her father came out with some gibberish. Even if I don’t agree with your viewpoints, I can still respect you for the courage of your convictions. But here, it just makes you look like hypocrites. Apologising for the sake of appeasing angry constituents and probably mostly to save face and your own political career. If you want to be an elitist, at least give us some good arguments to support yourself. If you can’t even do that, then how elite can you truly be?"

'nuff said

I really fear for myself, because no matter what, the fact that I am in IP is proof thta I am an elite and that I may be oblivous to a lot of things

Eagle Bend

2006-11-03T22:08:00.000+08:00

The eagle soared while icy mountain peaks lay below
With it's piercing call, feathers rose to the skies
"The Eagles are coming! The Eagles are coming!"
Men cried out, and the mighty silhouettes passed
And with each passing, it was as if an eclipse had lifted
Rays of hope shone through, joy flooded the skies and the earth
And the hearts of men were like the shadows of above, joyful and free

Induction was fine except that I felt we IP2s went a lot overboard.
We eat their food and we ridicule them.

However, the one thing that really spurred me on was Johnson ticking Jeremy off as being a person who "does not want to lose"
I won't say that was the best way of putting it across to your own host, but I would say it let me see whatever I did yesterday in a clearer light
I was so bad yesterday that I chided myself so badly and constantly too
It was an absolute disgrace, a long distance runner who cannot complete a 4.2 km circuit. Even though I haven't trained for so long, 4.2km shouldn't be a problem anyday.
My pacing was off totally and my breathing was like a child who has an asthmatic attack.
It was a total failure but surely, chiding myself is a form of not being able to take failure.
To me, I haven't really learnt to take failure yet.
So, in fact I am a failure
But, I am joyful and free, because I was that way when I was born, and I will stay that way, just like the eagles of teh sky, the fish of the lake and the gazelles of the land

Everybody Needs Somebody to Love

2006-11-01T16:19:00.001+08:00

No, I'm not involved in a frog flamingo business
Instead, it's this:

Blues Brothers - Everybody Needs Somebody to Love

Blues Brothers - Jailhouse Rock

Space Jam

For Those Football inclined or looking for a laugh:

Smartest Goalkeeper

5 great goals

Always look on the bright side of life

That's all for Soccer, next is the American Tail

There Are no cats in America

Never Say Never

"Look up and move on. Because you'll become jealous or frightened if you look to your sides or below you. The one who looks up, the one who'll look at the stars and beyond - Stargazer"

Irony

2006-10-31T18:38:00.000+08:00

I didn't even realise what was happening except for the frequent mentions of "RJC", "MP's daughter", "insensitive"
And so, being the common busybody Singaporean with internet at my disposal, I did a search which sent me to xialanxue.blogspot.com.
Apparently, I realise I wasn't the only one and that her father was also popular resulting in a link titled "MP Wee Siew Kim joins daughter Wee Shu Min on Technorati Top Searches"

Then the irony sets in.
After days of staring at chinese 报章报道, I reckon we can include this as a possible question of blogging.
Then, we think sedition act
to quote: "博客是把双刃刀，关键在于你怎么使用它“，“大姐应该明白，凡事都有可限度，更不应该滥用网上的自由“，”在《煽动法令》下被控“ (extracted from NJC source pg 153 and 149 respectively)
From this, we can see the severity of exceeding the limit and the power of the sedition act.
Also, in this I would not look into who is at fault, but, instead, the ironic sedition act.
Sedition or 煽动 , I believe means to stir up ill feelings or according to dictionary.com,

1. incitement of discontent or rebellion against a government.
2. any action, esp. in speech or writing, promoting such discontent or rebellion.
3. Archaic. rebellious disorder.

I assume number 2 should be used here since we have a non oppresive government, i hope, which believes in not clamping down critics with the exception being mr brown and Today, for a mainstream paper being a platform for "a partisan player in politics"
Well, it seems very clear to me, anyone who does number 2 such as the acts done by those poor 3 souls charged under the sedition act, should be punished under it.

It seemed, to me, that it was seditious enough for such a descriptive paragragh:

Users in at least 3 of the top singaporean forums (EDMW, SGForums, Sammyboyforum) have slammed 18 year old RJC student Ms Wee Shu Min, daughter of Ang Mo Kio GRC MP Wee Siew Kim, for her response to a blog posting by Mr Derek Wee which was put up as a result of his frustration of not being able to have his views aired on the Straits Times Forum Page.

(xialanxue.blogspot.com et al)

If USERS of FORUMS with the Ses are angered by her post, it clearly is great discontent, therefore seditious.
Therefore, it follows that she gets charged under the sedition act
But she isn't, see the irony?

Besides that, do any of you guys know what I think of GEP? guess not
hell yeah, maybe some are a lot cleverer than others or at least cleverer, I concede that but some just are nothing.
They are always more knowledgeable, because they have greater exposure to greater knowledge in school, period.
But, you look at Lear, Einstein, Gates, they were never meant to be what they were.
Yet they were what they were.
一山还有一山高，it is evident that GEP complement possesses people who go ITE who are lots smarter than an average GEP student. I believe even those "branded" normal technical or academic people are cleverer than a lot of GEP students but just didn't have guidance and inclination at that age. At some other age, they might have thrashed Jared Poon flat. Awesomeness or otherwise.

While that may be what I feel, it doesn't mean one should adhere to them. I am, well, no GEPer and will never be in my whole lifetime, and since I have limited exposure to GEPers, it WILL be biased. Jealousy, may have played a part too. So, take it with a lot of salt. Thank you.

And, please don't arrest me for sedition.

Senang or 要命?

2006-10-30T20:17:00.000+08:00

Where do I start? There are so many things that leaves impressions on me. The big ones being everything today and the studying yesterday. This is so unlike me, this style of writing in prose. GRRRRRRRRR. Nevermind, it's going to be long anyway.

Firstly, thursday night gave me nightmares thanks to me father scolding me for sleeping at 1230am. Sleeping apparently has adverse effects on my mood, performance and behaviour so sleeping this late 4 days before a major exam is a no-no.

Secondly, Friday, saturday and sunday was spent studying with an attempt at no computer usage. It was feeble at best. This is shown by the writing of a composition spanning from friday to saturday night. I was sure it was more than 2 hours.

Thirdly, while studying on Sunday, I got tired and did a Tanumiharjo by walking in the neighbouring neighbourhood park. Not quite like the tree-house at the top of Bukit Timah Hill but it should suffice. The beautiful part was the breeze blowing past me and carrying the burden and anxiety of my back. For the moment, I was free from hateful thoughts or happy thoughts, regrets or pride moments, free as the wind in my face. Nobody asking who I like (*stares at Sarah*), nobody criticizing me, nobody reminding me of who I am or where I am. Others I fret over for disappeared so did the pressure others heaped onto me. It is a relief indescribable. Then, it was back to studying.

Lastly, O level exam. A lot easier than every other paper I got, but the result remains to be seen. Well, for one, with so much practice under my belt, I just wrote words for the cloze passage answers rather than numbers which was the correct medium of answering. So did a lot of people.

But, I wouldn't remember the O levels for the paper. Rather, I remember the after and before. Before, I took 30 minutes in the toilet and couldn't get a lump out. And so I went to school late at 745 and full of shit, literally. Thankfully, divine intervention allowed me to clear my bowels and still reach the examination venue on time.

After the Os however, planned at first to tompang colin and co. Then Johnson managed to make me realise that without home clothes, there was no going nowhere. So, I got to troop home. Well the point is I managed to meet some people at the bus stop and make somebody "sadder" by missing my bus on purpose. Yeah, you know I'll be sadder if you're sadder right? but no it doesn't work for trivial matters like this. So, on the whole, not bad for a day's work

And so, here comes my main point. Damn, too many distractions. I'm chatting with erica yap, xin yuan and listening to Star wars theme at the same time. Okay that's not the main point. The main point is that sometimes I want to open my mouth and say something yet for a sound to come out is almost impossible. Why?

Care and concern, the only things i have to spare to people close to me, no matter how close. I cannot say I love, because, I don't even know anybody that well, not even my own mother. I certainly couldn't say I knew her likes and dislikes and what pains her heart most. And for those curious, I haven't celecrated her birthday in many years.

And yet, care and concern is strong enough to keep me shut? The fear of upsetting others, making others sad. And why? because I care for them and am concerned for them, just short of loving them. I don't expect others to reciprocate it, because, I realise I don't do it because they did it to me and i don't expect them to take that attitude too. I only do it because, there is something in me that is kind, not the one which hits Tisiana on the back. or the one that hits Jeremy in the crotch.

No, it is the kind which makes me spend my time missing my bus for others. The kind which endeavours to create the best things for others. The kind which brings together care and concern in a solid package. I wonder if that kindness can really show out one day.

Well, enough of that.

So now, I'm quite sure I'm taking PCME GP and PW next year, sorry Ms Yap, no matter what you say about wanting me to pursue a passion in Lit. Hahax, thanks anyway, ask for you opinion again someday.

For those who take O levels, jiayou.

For those interested in palying a sport in and around jurong, bukit batok or bukit gombak, please tell me.

Lastly, I better get back to doing my programme proposal soon. Heyloz Clemence...

Waltzing Matilda

2006-10-26T22:37:00.000+08:00

Over the past 2 years, everything changes
Yet, even when we pass the same places more than 600 times, we can't even spot the differences.
I wonder why this is so.

Waltzing Matilda

Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong,
Under the shade of a coolibah tree,
And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled
"Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me?"

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me
And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled,
"Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me?"

Along came a jumbuck to drink at the billabong,
Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee,
And he sang as he stowed that jumbuck in his tucker bag,
"You'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me".

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me
And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled,
"Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me?"

Up rode the squatter, mounted on his thoroughbred,
Down came the troopers, one, two, three,
Whose is that jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?"
"You'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me."

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me
And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled,
"Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me?"

Up jumped the swagman, leapt into the billabong,
"You'll never catch me alive," said he,
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by the billabong,
"Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me."

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me
And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled,
"Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me?"

Merry exams to whom it may concern.
For me, it's merry to a certain extent, it's up to you, my dear reader, to interpret the extent of my happiness or unhappiness and guess the events which make it so.
I hope you find it, and find it well.
Till then, it's a-waltzing

First Love - Utada Hikaru

2006-10-25T21:47:00.000+08:00

Today is well, standard.
Except for the fact that Wu Si made a big fuss of me walking next to a slower person.
And I realise why I play soccer so differently previously and why I don't enjoy it now.

This piece appeared first as a symphonic band piece from Lyoe
Then I ripped it from Jessie's thumbdrive
Tokyo Kosei plays it really well

First Love - Utada Hikaru

Saigo no kisu wa tabako no flavor ga shita
Nigakute setsunai kaori

Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Anata wa doko ni irundarou
Dare wo omotterundarou

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashi uta utaeru made

Tachidomaru jikan ga
Ugoki dasouto shiteru
Wasureta kunai kotobakari

Ashita no imagoro niwa
Watashi wa kitto naiteru
Anatawo omotterundarou

You will always be inside my heart
Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Mada kanashii love song
Now and forever

And a bright new morn

2006-10-24T09:20:00.000+08:00

Finally! I get to sleep at 1030 pm
and by some stupid body clock, I wake up at 650 am without anything disturbing, alarm clock-wise or chinese exam scripts

Yesterday was first Chinese, then Evenings with Ernest, third pool, fourth OGL interview, last pool.
The first 2 were crap, one written, one spoken
For pool, I can't understand why I play so much better in NJC than at marina!!! The last time I played at Marina, I couldn't even sink a single ball. Yesterday, I sank many many many balls. Why?
OGL interview was crap too. Okay, maybe only the last part. Those 3 other people happened to know each other and had a common cheer which they promptly used to pangseh me. Damn. Which effectively meant my cheering would be crap there. Which means, I'm screwed. So now there's a need for this:

IwillnotgetdisappointedIwillnotgetdisappointedIwillnotget
disappointedIwillnotgetdisappointedIwillnotgetdisappointed
IwillnotgetdisappointedIwillnotgetdisappointedIwillnotget
disappointedIwillnotgetdisappointed

Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world

I dont know what it is that makes me love you so
I only know I never want to let you go
cause youve started something
Oh, cant you see?
That ever since we met
Youve had a hold on me
It happens to be true
I only want to be with you

Dreams to dream
In the dark of the night
When the world goes wrong
I can still make it right
I can see so far in my dreams
I'll follow my dreams
Until they come true

But there are no cats in America
and the streets are paved with cheese
oh there are no cats in America
so set your mind at ease

Never say never
whatever you do
never say never my friend
and if you believe
your dreams will come through
They'll come through in the end

Btw, who has an american tail soundtrack? Can lend me?

Rain came down and washed the haze out

2006-10-22T15:40:00.000+08:00

It rained, the haze cleared, at least for now, and finally, I see a future in reading blogs.

After two weeks of reading haze filled blogs (I mean the word not the literal form), it would be much more enjoyable reading something without haze, indonesians or PSI.

But it's not all so bad is it?

1. You haven't died
2. It hasn't been as bad as i-can't-see-me-five-fingers
3. We still played floorball
4. Influenza aka common flu is more potent ie. kills more and hospitalises more
5. It hasn't even affected our brains. Evidence? People can still set fantasy football teams (If you get headaches, I believe it's more of the chinese)
6. We complain about hotspots, how about being IN one?
7. We lived through a period where PSI peaked at 226 at aged 7. How is it going to affect us much when we are much older and stronger given that we survived quite well I must say at 7?

Okay, so maybe it has affected our throats. Voices don't run away. they go on a strike or on a holiday. Give them a pay rise in the form of water and sleep and I think they'll turn up for work soon.

So what should we do? do stuff indoors.
Then again, there isn't much use in playing indoors if haze particles still go in. (eg. gym, classroom)

Then, a great philantrophist should sponsor an air con unit for every place.
Problem is, there are grave consequences for the environment.
Okay, skip this if you hate strawmans.
When we have air con (like unenvironmentally ACS), we use electricity, release more carbon dioxide, contribute to global warming, forest fires are easier to start, leading to more hot spots and more haze.
Also, with aircon, electricity is used, resources are exhausted faster than new alternative resources could be discovered, we would very fast have no more air con.
With no more aircon and more haze, we're back to square one albeit with more haze and no PSI readings (since no electricity).

So, it seems we are spoilt for......bad choices.
What do I propose we do? Live and let die.
Crossing over of chromosomes and random assortment should do the job.

Okay, if you insist, I'll play the blame game.
Yes, so some Indonesian is going about making forests look more like themselves.
We can't do a thing, so why bother?
And if we get it bad, they get it worst, they're NEXT to the hotspot

Still, they shouldn't make others suffer for their own misdeeds.
But, we must realise, we give them business. i.e. demand increases
Demand increases, supply tries to meet demand and we have a burning forest.
Agricultural products are definitely a factor in a burning forest, so how can we actually blame them, without asking what drives them?
And what drives them?
Us. and our demands.

Maybe Poverty drives them.
But then, we also don't really give to Oxfam and Unicef as spelled out in "Peter Singer's Solution to World Poverty", do we?
Again, we are to blame.

Damn. I should have bought necessities for them rather than golden taps.

投降

2006-10-20T19:54:00.000+08:00

我相信我需要的不是什么朋友的友情
或女性的安慰，关心
我需要的是自知

我从来不喜欢数二
我只想数一，但这是不理想的想法。
我根本就不是什么了不起的人物，为什么还放弃不了这种妄想？
可能是因为我从来都不在什么一流的学校读书
那种学校，十次九次数一，难怪我总是不自量力。
我不是天生的“元帅”，不应该领导别人，但总是想有这重大的任务。
我应该学会跟随别人，听多一点，否则凡事都做不好。
我本身就是有问题，必改，但在新加坡，我可以休想有多一个机会。
这里希望渺茫，朽木也对我没什么帮助。

我从不喜欢被人利用，所以请不要把我当作物品，用就抢着用，不想用就抛在一旁，看都不看他一眼。

我认为，少数人会读这篇，因为它是以华文写的。那也是我所希望的，因为这篇是我针对国家初级学院的一些人写的。请不要太在意。

Pink

2006-10-18T21:09:00.000+08:00

We are all convinced that the CAAL file is important and that the CCA record is too.
What I am not convinced of is to give us a pink form without instructions and expect us to get signed and ready by the next morning.
Rushing leads to teachers having to sign many and students running all about the place
When teachers sign many of it, they get irritated, I get irritated and upset and everybody is upset. Bah.

What better way to cap it off getting chided for using a computer in class during lesson
Yeah I know it's wrong sorry about it
But the thing I was using it for was to find out the name of the activity to fill up some stupid pink form

I Just Can't Wait To Be King

I'm gonna be a mighty king
So enemies beware!

Well, I've never seen a king of beasts
With quite so little hair

I'm gonna be the mane event
Like no king was before
I'm brushing up on looking down
I'm working on my ROAR

Thus far, a rather uninspiring thing

Oh, I just can't wait to be king!
(You've rather a long way to go, young master,
if you think...)

No one saying do this
(Now when I said that, I -)
No one saying be there
(What I meant was...)
No one saying stop that
(Look, what you don't realize...)
No one saying see here
(Now see here!)

Free to run around all day
(Well, that's definitely out...)
Free to do it all my way!

I think it's time that you and I
Arranged a heart to heart

Kings don't need advice
From little hornbills for a start

If this is where the monarchy is headed
Count me out!
Out of service, out of Africa
I wouldn't hang about
This child is getting wildly out of wing

Oh, I just can't wait to be king!

Everybody look left
Everybody look right
Everywhere you look I'm
Standing in the spotlight!

Not yet!

Let every creature go for broke and sing
Let's hear it in the herd and on the wing
It's gonna be King Simba's finest fling

Oh, I just can't wait to be king!
Oh, I just can't wait to be king!
Oh, I just can't waaaaaait ... to be king!

Pizzaro & Bread Pigs

2006-10-17T20:05:00.000+08:00

And once again I proved that the elusive A+ grade in Chemistry isn't mine, this time by 0.9 marks, last time was 0.4
Well, well, I can't say I'm too happy about it but the paper is still mine thus I can't really blame and rue anything. That's me handwriting there.
In fact, I should be happy with the many joys today.
...and The Embarrassment. vvvvvv sorry Natalie

Okay that aside, we had a long chat with Ms Tay over lots of stuff. It first came to GEPers, then Sophia, then "satay rice" and finally the Sentosa which is seen from Sembawang. Of course, we couldn't leave out arc-en-ciel-.diaryland.com, among many other stuffs. Heh. Sorry, mate, couldn't resist.

Second, there was Mr. Wen and his hairstyle which looked like a bread pig.

Then, floorball is fun to the extent before I step on the ball or kick the ball (Which I always do)
Still, it's fun to run like a mad dog again, just like I used to do in soccer
And I like running barefoot again on that surface after not playing on a surface like that for around 4 years

After that was the Party @ IH elective
2 teachers, 7 students, 4 pizzas
Need I say more?
(Don't mention the fact that I only ate one less slice than Jeremy i think?)

Assumption 101

2006-10-16T20:18:00.000+08:00

I wonder, yet I'll never know
I assume they are one and the same, the feeling I feel now and those of Jeeven, Ganesh, Haresh, Sundaravadivelan Karthik, Dinuraj and all of them
My MA2104 grade is well, better than average but far from the top I once used to be at
and yet I still yearn for it
Then I remember those who despite trying a thousand and one study methods couldn't beat me even if I went to the exam without studying much
Math and Science, the 2 subjects they tried the hardest...and failed
And now, I realise that no matter how hard I try I can't get that accuracy, sharp thought and logically, the marks didn't come.
And of course fame and fortune in one breath
But I gained something: this feeling
I could never understand them and yet now I experience it for myself minus the feeling that they never did it before
It is something grades cannot buy and I am happy for it.
I suppose there is always time for brushing up grades but I am sure it hurts not to be able to comfort others especially when you can't understand them and you care about them

Okay, that's it for all the thinking
now for i.hate.microsoft.and.fujitsu.com
My taskbar screws up and can't show any programs and my volume can't increase by one bar but two. stupid
and to top it of, both their technical supports work from nine to five.
now is 830pm
jasgfajgsjdgfjkgasdjgfjgfdsjgfjdgajdfjhjkfdhs

jui kueh neng bao

2006-10-15T19:13:00.000+08:00

So yes, I bought and ate jui kueh again
The order for it was short and succint: "jui kueh neng bao, cik bao ai hiam, cik bao mai hiam" and the auntie seemed to remember me so well so as to complete the order with "cai po jui jui"
Imagine Lee Hsien Loong ordering
mai hum mai hum mai hum mai hum

heh.
I seem to get recognized by these wet market and hawker centre stall holders after a few times even though they get at least 100 customers a day. The fish meat bee hoon seller in the town centre can even remember me after 2 years of not eating her food. The chicken rice stall uncle opposite church can remember my order perfectly well such that I can give a thumbs up and he exactly knows what I want, complete with more soup and all.

One day, just one day, I'll get to make friends with each and every one of them. That would be fun.

Okay, so after buying that and being made to carry 10 kg of rice with 800g potatoes and 500g onions.
Along the way, I met Mad Chen
Yes, Madeline Chen, with trolley and all going to the wet market like an ah sao
She still remembers me and smiled at me which the good me returned.
Talk about having teachers living in the same neighbourhood, taking the same bus(before) and walking about like that.

The rest of the day pass without much fanfare except for the special trip which I decided to make to the library a minute's run away at west mall to return 2 books
Well, it was overdue and I didn't want to leave it till last minute like yesterday when I waited and did things at home and poof! It was 12 before I knew it and my usual 1159pm return of books couldn't save me from getting fined.

Re-read parts of the Da Vinci Code there (Elaine, if you are reading this, don't bash me up, I know I should be reading "gone with the wind")
When I came out it was 7 and used the cargo lift(which I always do) to get home but not before I saw Rachel walking along the "corridor" outside the library.
I didn't wave or say hi. I wonder why.

Lord of the Dance

2006-10-14T17:28:00.000+08:00

Celtic is a lot fresher flavour than today's pop